Humor – Page 156 – Splendid Isolation

Caption Competition #209

December 24, 2021 Kim du Toit Captions, Friday Feature

Your suggestions in Comments.

The Nite before Hannukah

December 21, 2021 Kim du Toit Entertainment

(With apologies to my Tribe Readers)

Twas the night before Chanukah, boichiks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels
The menorah was set by the chimney alight
In the kitchen, the Bubbie was hopping a bite
Salami, Pastrami, a glaisele tay
And zoyere pickles mit bagels– Oy vay!

Gezint and geschmock the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of taiglach and Chanukah gelt
The alarm clock was sitting, a kloppin’ and tickin’
And Bubbie was carving a shtickele chicken
A tummel arose, like the wildest k’duchas
Santa had fallen right on his tuchas!

I put on my slippers, ains, tzvay, drei
While Bubbie was eating herring on rye
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gottkes
And Bubbie was just devouring the latkes
To the window I ran, and to my surprise
A little red yarmulka greeted my eyes.

When he got to the door and saw the menorah
“Yiddishe kinder,” he cried, “Kenahorah!”
I thought I was in a Goyishe hoise!
As long as I’m here, I’ll leave a few toys.”
“Come into the kitchen, I’ll get you a dish
Mit a gupel, a leffel, and a shtickele fish.”

With smacks of delight he started his fressen
Chopped liver, knaidlach, and kreplach gegessen
Along with his meal he had a few schnapps
When it came to eating, this boy sure was tops
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt
But they were so hot he yelled out “Gevalt!”

He loosened his hoysen and ran from the tish
“Your koshereh meals are simply delish!”
As he went through the door he said “See y’all later
I’ll be back next Pesach in time for the seder!”
So, hutzmir and zeitzmir and “Bleibtz mir gezint”
he called out cheerily into the wind.

More rapid than eagles, his prancers they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name
“Come, Izzie, now Moishe, now Yossel and Sammy!
On Oyving, and Maxie, and Hymie and Manny!”
He gave a geshrai, as he drove out of sight
“A gut yontiff to all, and to all a good night!”

Sorry it’s late, but Mervyn only got round to sending it me me last light.

News Roundup

December 20, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

If you thought last week’s roundup was bad…

…clearly, J&J’s bribe wasn’t large enough.

…and if he’d been executed for the first murders, she’d still be alive today.

…what’s to wonder?

Also via Insty:

…rough guess:

…it would be worth freeing the loathsome toad, just to see all the #MeToo womyns’ hair spontaneously ignite.

Filed under “SNEAKY FOREIGNERS”:

…best con trick ever.

…no mention, of course of the number of men killed daily.

…sounds eerily like Gretchen Whitmer’s plan for Christmas in Michigan.

…having seen Scottish teens in action, the likely result was “Yes: 100%” — for both sexes.

And two reports from the Woke Bullshit Department:

…that’s called a “Biden”. And it happened sixteen years ago.

…proving that OMG not even virtual reality is safe from #ToxicMasculinity.

And from the annals [sic] of Gen Z / Millennial Deep Thoughts:

…I dunno; probably something to with “rent”, “groceries”, “gasoline” and “electricity” … not to mention “ammunition” for when it really does end.

And now is time for the INSIGNIFICA:

And one with a link:

…in a “lemons/lemonade” scenario, I see a promising and lucrative OnlyFans career in her future. Cue the outrage in 3…2…1…

Some more “normal” youngins for Christmas:

Eva Habermann

Sophia Vergara

Elizabeth Montgomery

Zooey Deschanel

Some chick sent to me by Reader Old Texan

Hey, at my age, they’re all youngins.

Monday Funnies

December 20, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

First, our Kiddie Joke Of The Day:

And now the grownup stuff:

…me too.

There ya go! Who said Australians have never contributed anything to Western civilization?

..ah, the old “SpellCheck” excuse…

Now get outta bed, because Nigella’s waiting for you in the kitchen with your brekkie:

News Roundup

December 17, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

Increasing irrelevant, perhaps leading to the conclusion that “News Roundup” may just be renamed “INSIGNIFICA” in the future.

…good old Mother Nature to the rescue. Now if these microbes could just evolve to eat Communists…

…LOL that Austrians are revolting against fascism, of any kind.

…if it did, the National Front would have been the ruling party for the last two decades.

…clearly, the producers have decided that viewing audience size is irrelevant to a movie’s commercial success.

…although it’s a pub (a Good Thing) it should have been a storehouse for guns and ammo… oh wait, it’s in Britishland. Nemmind.

…I wonder where he got that idea, that even criminals hate kiddie-fondlers?

…key word: Pakistan.

…I don’t know what “bodies” means in the current vernacular, but I do know that “Elizabeth Warren” and “big meat” should never be mentioned in the same sentence.