Imaginary Conversations

On my last trip up to Boomershoot, it was just me and the Son&Heir (aged about 16) in the old F-150 FX4 making the three-day-up, three-day-down journey.

On the way up, we drove along Idaho Rte 55:

…whereupon I stated idly:  “I wouldn’t mind retiring to a little cabin up there against the foothills”, to which the Son&Heir replied, “No, you can’t.”

“Why not?”
“Because I’ll still be living in Texas, and I’ll be damned if I have to fly back up here every time I get a call from the sheriff.”
“What do you mean, call from the sheriff?”

And the fruit of my loins (and heir to my gun safes and their contents) proceeded to have the rest of this conversation all by himself, complete with the appropriate accents.

“Jack?  Sheriff Johnson here, up in Valley County.”
“Oh God, what’s he done now?”
“He’s shooting at trucks driving along the main road again.”
“Didn’t we take all his rifles away from him the last time?”
“Yeah, except his .22s.  And he’s using them now.”
“Why this time?”
“He says they make too much noise and disturb his peace.”
“But he’s as deaf as a rock.”
“Can you come up and talk to him?  Next time I’ll have to arrest him, and you know what happened the last time we tried to do that.”
“Is the deputy okay?”
“Well, he doesn’t have to use that walking stick anymore.”

“Dad, you have to stop shooting at trucks from the porch.”
“Why?  I gotta keep my eye in.”
“Well, for one thing, it’s against the law.”
“It’s a stupid fucking law.  Trucks are noisy;  isn’t there a law against making a public racket?”
“Dad, we talked about this last time.”
“And it’s only a little .22 bullet, anyway.  At that range, you’d hardly feel it even if it hit you, and anyway, I’m only aiming at the trailers, not the drivers.”

“Yeah,” the Son&Heir concluded, turning to me, “just tell me that all this could never happen.”

I had no answer.

Quote Of The Day

Regarding my post about the reinstatement of Comic Con and the pics of costumed chippies, Reader WVHillbilly commented:

“Usually you have women who are six sizes too large to wear a skintight costume parading around like overstuffed sausages..”

You mean like these?

Point taken.  However, there are some who use their curves to good advantage:

Nothing too wrong with that.

News Roundup

News, like Nancy Pelosi’s drink problem, barely worth commentary.


once again the really interesting thing about this is that over one third of the people think that President Braindead is doing an okay job.


dog bites man news:  socialists have never known how an economy works.


oh yes it can.  Forever.


and in solidarity, I bought a box of Frosted Flakes for the first time in nearly twenty-five years.


when as any fule kno, the correct acronym is LGBTOSTFU.


I think I’d need a thousand-odd words to write that article, myself.

From the Heart Of Stone Dept.:


and stop that laughing.

Almost as good, from the Dept. Of Irony:


imagine walking in Washington D.C.  What idiots.


anyone who’s ever worked in retail will understand this one.


anyone who has ever tried to find parking in an English village will know exactly how this came about.


not surprising, as SNL hasn’t been funny since the 1990s.

Time for INSIGNIFICA:

    

…and:

Nice that we’re all here to bear witness to the Fall…

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Dear Dr. Kim:
My girlfriend says she has been faking orgasms for a year and I am considering breaking up with her.  What should I do?  — Unsatisfied, [address withheld]

Dear “Unsatisfied”:

Short answer:  Break up with her.

Long answer:  Break up with her.  No relationship has ever survived sexual dysfunction — in this case, your desire to take your partner to the peak of sexual intimacy, and her inability to do so.

Longer answer:  Break up with her.  In the vast majority of cases, a woman’s inability to have an orgasm is not physical, but psychological — and most especially if she’s never been able to reach a climax with any partner.  There is no upside to the two of you trying to address this together and frankly, I don’t see marriage as even a remote option here.

This is not your problem;  it’s hers.  Move on.

— Dr. Kim Read more

3 Inexplicable Things

Haven’t had one of these for a while, so here goes:

3 People who should have retired a LONG time ago, but haven’t.

  • Dog The Bounty Hunter — FFS, he’s like 200 years old, still epitomizes White Trash with that trailerpark hairdo and bad-boy-gay clothing which would get him thrown out of any respectable biker gang.  And his schtick is older than my withered ass.

  • Joan Collins — another oldie well past her sell-by date, but still acts and dresses like she’s 25.

  • Nancy Pelosi — this drunken old gargoyle continues to cling to power long after she’s made enough money from it to last four lifetimes, and done more than her fair share to make the U.S. a socialist country.

Feel free to add your suggestions to substitute for the above, but they’d have to be really good to beat this lot.

Choices, Choices

Found this at Knuckledragger’s place, and it got me thinking:

If the next meteorite was going to strike a U.S. city, which one would get your vote?

Suggestions in Comments, with a BRIEF rationale.

Unless you nominate Washington D.C., San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Seattle or Portland.  Then no explanation is necessary