Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Empathy

Law and Order

Seems like even the lawyers are getting sick of it:

Even though he’s a lawyer, I’m on his side.

In my own case, when once threatened with punishment for contempt of court back in Seffrica, I snarled: “Contempt doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel for this court.”  The judge looked somewhat startled and my lawyer put his head in his hands;  whereupon the judge started laughing and let me off with a R50* fine — which my lawyer paid because I refused to.

Fuck all of them, black-robed assholes.

*Back then, fifty rands was almost half a month’s rent for my downtown apartment.

News Roundup

Bad News

…which is even more trivial and stupid than usual.


…which makes me wonder:  considering that pretty much the only people in Hollywood not socialist are James Woods, Kelsey Grammer, Adam Corolla and Nick Searcy, which one has gone over to the Dark Side?


…and considering that the Mafia, Black Hand and MS-13 are not active in Sweden, who could these gangs be?  Swedish right-wing militants?  Disaffected Swedish film students?  Oh, wait…


…yup, the riots against the Communist Cuban government have all been caused by something Trump did.  FFS, this chick is stupidly evil.


…[insert Polack joke here]  Or maybe it’s because Polish adding machines only go up to five?


…and yet, feminists still want to serve in combat because they’re strong enough.


…personally, I can’t see why they aren’t issued with Tasers.  On the other hand, there are those unruly passengers who insist on three sugars for their coffee… best not.

And some INSIGNIFICA:

 
…and we need to know all this… why?


…actually, it sounds as though it’s more likely because you’re self-centered, boring and unpleasant.


…wait:  you mean that the much-beloved BritGov fucked up a simple clerical task?


…and I think that the muggers should be extradited to Oman to face trial for murder.

Finally:

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Oldie But Goodie

Deep Thoughts

From Longtime Buddy Mervyn*, and especially for my Tribe Readers:

ZEN JUDAISM
If there is no self,
Whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace later.
Is that so complicated?

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage, that’s another story.

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip…joy.
With the second…satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health
Or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles
Begins with a single “Oy.”

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
You never wrote, you never visited,
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You’ll never meet
God with such rounded shoulders.

*My buddy Mervyn looks so Jewish that even at bar mitzvahs, people ask:  “Who’s that Jewish-looking guy?” 

That said, he’s the worst Jew since Genghis Khan.  Frum, he is not.

Another Martyr

Crime

No doubt there’ll be BLM-inspired rioting after this one:

A man was shot and killed by Los Angeles police officers in front of horrified bystanders on a packed Hollywood Walk of Fame on Thursday after he pointed a replica gun at them.

Here’s a thought:  why don’t we flood the ‘hoods with replica Glocks?

All I ask is that the LAPD keep their lapel cameras running so we can all enjoy the fun that follows.