Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

 


…


...hope you stay there, you miserable Commiesymp fuckers.

And speaking of aphrodisiacs:


...following the example of their founder, no doubt.


…

Silly Jews, thinking they’d be safe in Amsterdam.  Speaking of stereotypes:


…

Introducing our latest feature department:


...it’s just too bad it wasn’t by hanging.

And in The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:


...wait till they start machine-gunning the rafts.


...Africa wins again.


…


...those damn Swiss raaayyyciss.


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Let’s EVERYBODY PANIC!!!


...as noted by Insty.  Also:


...and my simple solution:

In Furrin News:


...yeah, okay.  Wave to the millions of CCTV cameras, wear a miniskirt in Bradford, enjoy those 24-hour waits in the A&E/ER rooms and just don’t post anything “anti-social” or “hateful” on the Internet.  Same topic:


...coming soon to a Blue State near you.

Great Moments In Marketing:


...an easy mistake to make, if yer a perv.

In Entertainment News:


...keyword:  Manchester.  And to the surprise of no one, here’s the “BBC star”:

And in link-free pic-free 

...and even if I used her real name, you still wouldn’t know who she is.

...said tape probably applied by her bedtime companion.

And in the ultimate news summary, where one picture really is worth more than 1,000 words:

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Even though it’s Monday, I know you don’t want to be disturbed:

…so to speak.

But to help us wake up, some post-election humor, stolen from just about everywhere:

And speaking of ugly non-MAGA women:

Finally, a reminder of the numbers involved, and one of the main electoral issues:

And that’s just according to NCIS…

And just for the hell of it:

I think I’ll celebrate this first post-election Monday by going to the range.  (Okay, that’s not much different from any other Monday, but what the hell.)

Boll Weevil

Elections

…wait, I meant Poll Evil.

So I went over to the polling station yesterday to vote against Godless Communism, and of course this being north Texas, it was busier than a $5 hooker during Fleet Week.  Fortunately, there were a jillion of those horrible voting machine thingies, so there was no wait.

While signing in, I made the usual joke about my name (“girl’s first name, French last name, but this week I’m identifying as a man”) which brought a tiny smile from the 100-year-old lady checking me in, her comment being, “And that’s a good thing”.  And I prepared to join the rest of the folks voting against Godless Communism — don’t ask me how I could tell;  it’s the district which Trump carried with 85% of the votes cast, FFS.

Except in my case, of course, because it appears I’d waited too late to change my voting address (I did it as part of changing the address on my driver’s license).  So when they checked the voters’ roll, my old address showed up.

I said, “Okay, I don’t mind going over to Plano to vote, ’cause I have some errands to run over there anyway” (which I did).

“Oh no,” says Great-Great-Granny Moses, “we can just change it right here seeing as it’s what your driver’s license allows.”

“Excellent,” says I, and to make a joke of the whole thing, I added, “So I can vote here, and then scoot over to Plano and vote there too?”

Dead. Silence.  From all the volunteers.

Oops.  Then from Great-Great-Granny Moses, one word:  “Nope.”

“I’d never do that, of course,” I say quickly, trying to thaw the atmosphere, “because people might think I’m a Democrat.”

Some muted chuckles (from only a few of the volunteers) as my ballot was being printed out.   From Great-Great-Granny Moses, just a stony stare as she handed it over.

I scurried over to the machine with my tail between my legs, and tried to make up for my foolishness by voting against Godless Communism.

There are times, it seems, when it’s not safe to make a joke.  Even in Republican north Texas.

News Roundup

Bad News

…because you just never know when your lady is going to need a black rifle, right?

But in Global Jew-Hate News:


...or maybe just shoot them dead on the spot.  Too extreme?


...who cares?  He’s just the new top of the IDF Hit List anyway.

In the latest Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:


…wait, I thought “climate change” was a bad thing.  Did I miss the memo?


...but seeing as this started over three hundred years ago (before SUVs), can this really be because of that same anthropomorphic “climate change”?

In related news:


...oops.  But the best part is that the fire station didn’t have a fire alarm because “it wouldn’t be necessary”.


...nice to see that the Frogs have so much spare cash lying around.  And on the topic of Too Much Money:


...because Microsoft is way behind in the AI technology war.  If they were ahead, he’d be saying that AI would be the salvation of Mankind.

From the Dept. of Education:


...hey, at least she was banging her boss and not a student.  Unlike this next slut:


...good thing there’s DNA testing, otherwise all twelve would be part of the “Guess The Daddy” game.  And on the topic of illicit sex:


...keyword:  Australia.

Some Totally Silly News:


...Hollywood wasn’t liberal enough?


...but at least they looked good when their lifeless bodies were pulled from the water, right?

And now in link-free and picture-free 

   

...ummm Leo, dude:  that’s not exactly “Grab A Granny” now, is it?

And one more time down  :


...welcome back, darlin’.  It’s been too long.

Now let’s get ready for the next news cycle…