Humor – Page 191 – Splendid Isolation

If It Saves Just One Life

March 18, 2021 Kim du Toit Health, Nannies

Someone took me to task the other day because I still occasionally wear a face condom despite having been vaccinated against the Chinkvirus. (Generally, I don’t anymore, unless some store flunky comes up and politely asks me to wear one, in which case I touch my face, assume a startled look, and put the stupid thing on.)

I put the face mask on because it saves lives.

Not “saving lives” in the sense of spreading the Chinkvirus, of course. In my case, saving lives means that when a busybody gives me grief about not wearing one, I refrain from breaking his fucking neck, because (and this is an important point) some Karen is going to take umbrage at my behavior and call the manager. (I think we can all see where this is headed.) When I rinse and repeat by breaking his (and most likely her) neck, the cops are going to be called, there may be gun play, and people are probably going to die (myself included).

So my putting on a face mask saves lives — just not in the Fauci sense of the word.

News Roundup

March 17, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

With commentary short and not so sweet, like Danny DeVito.

…in other words, that’s a dick too far.

…the keyword is “West Virginia” — America’s Wales.

…Greta Thunberg could not be reached for comment.

…and yet they still keep sending me begging letters for an overpriced subscription to their poxy rag.

…and I haven’t laughed so much since Nancy Pelosi caught her tits in a revolving door.

…I wish someone would cancel all my novels.

…oh FFS. TCM used to be the place where I could go and watch old B&W movies to escape modern life; now I have to listen to some wokist bullshit about them first? Looks like my DVD collection is going to grow…

..also banned: any report involving Nigora Bannatyne, and let’s not even talk about the word “denigrating”. The knights who say “Ni” were unavailable for comment.

Great Cicero’s bleeding hemorrhoids.

And now a new feature called “Insignifica“: items that appear in the news, which nobody repeat nobody should give a rat’s ass about; and yet there they are. (Contains no links because health hazard.)

And:

…it’s so sad. This creature used to be unbearably beautiful, and then she turned 18 and became an “adult”. Now she resembles a Moscow street prostitute just off the 3am shift.

And finally, seeing as this is all about the news, here’s wholesome Brit TV presenter Angela Scanlon:

Maybe I should just call this the “Ginger” section…

Monday Funnies

March 15, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Monday Morning (with apologies to R. Crumb)

So to help with the oncoming week, some levity:

And speaking of whom:

Speaking of prizes, here’s one worth keeping an eye on. Someone named Barbara Bermudo:

Now get out there an grapple with the week.

Laughter Food

March 14, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

When we get this:

We get to play, like this:

Except, of course, that it’s raaaayyyyyccissss:

Really?

And:

But to continue:

Well…

News Roundup

March 12, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

If you subtract all the news items relating to The Oprah Interview with Ginge and Whinge, as well as all the same tired old Chinkvirus alarmism and panic, there’s not much left to work with. Still, we persevere:

…I just can’t wait for the first ex-man-now-woman in the Navy to apply for pregnancy leave.

…and if it wasn’t colonialism, then it was climate change. Or Trump.

…and should any Hollywood actors or actresses wish to indulge in this kind of extreme makeover, I will gladly lend them my chainsaw.

…in other “news”, dog bites man.

…and don’t think we’re gonna forget it, Clarkson.

…I have a better idea: why not a 6pm curfew on women instead, if their safety is such an issue for them? Not that the old harridan proposing this idiocy has anything to fear, mind you.

…oh Nancy, feel free to share the research you doubtless have on this one. And speaking of lying gun-control cocksuckers:

Rep. Eric Swalwell Claims GOP Senators Inspiring ‘White Nationalists’ To ‘Take Up Arms Against Their Government’
…hey, Eric, ol’buddy: I’m pretty sure that as far as your government is concerned, they don’t need any encouragement from the Stupid Party. Just sayin’.

And:

…yeah, good luck enforcing that one, Commie assholes.

…must confess I’m a little conflicted, here. On the one hand, Piers lost his job because he dared to say on TV that he didn’t believe Princess CaringSlut’s little speech on Oprah. On the other hand, Piers Morgan is still the world’s biggest asshole. See my problem?

…allows a whole bunch of old people to die through his policy of ramming Chinkvirus patients into old-age care homes: no problem. Fondled a couple of female staffers five years ago: HE GOTTA GO !!!!!!!!