Humor – Page 213 – Splendid Isolation

By The Numbers

August 27, 2020 Kim du Toit Africa, Patriotism

It occurred to me yesterday that some wokester / Pantifa type (you all know the people I mean) might take issue with my statement in Comments, following my use of the dreaded Word That Shall Not Be Spoken (nigger):

I’m more African AND more American than most people of the Pantifa/BLM persuasion…

To use the revolting modern expression: let’s “unpack” that sentence.

I was born in Africa and lived there for thirty years.
My family has lived in southern Africa since before 1690, a little longer than many of the so-called “Bantu” tribes, who only made their way south from central Africa in the late 1700s and early 1800s.
I speak one African language (would be more, but my Zulu and Sotho… oy).
I’ve lived in America for thirty-four years, and been a U.S. citizen for thirty.

Any way you slice it, I’m far more African than the average native-born Black person, and I’m more American than any recent African immigrant (e.g. Somali, Nigerian, etc.) by virtue of a.) my citizenship and b.) my length of domicile in the U.S.

“Aha!” a wokester may say triumphantly, “but you’re not Black!”

So it’s all about skin color? Well… now who’s the racist?

[exit, singing Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika]

Throwing Shoes

August 26, 2020 Kim du Toit Grammar Nazism

I have spoken before of what I call “linguistic speed bumps”: egregious grammatical and/or spelling errors which interrupt the flow of reading (and which, in my case, cause a WTF? Moment).

Here’s one that never fails to set my teeth on edge, and I saw it only yesterday:

“None of this is to say that Trump is a shoe-in come November.”

“Shoe-in”? What the fuck does that mean? That somebody’s going to kick him into office?

The expression comes from the verb “to shoo” (usher gently) — one shoos away a goose, or puppy, when one wants it to move away. To “shoo” somebody into office (as in the above situation) means that his victory is assured, and requires only a gentle nudge to take effect — in other words, it’s an expected outcome.

“Shoe-in” doesn’t mean anything at all; the writer might as well have said “show in” or “schwing in” for all the sense it makes. And just as the last time I blew up about it, this bullshit was printed by The Federalist, which one would think might edit their writers’ input, but clearly does not.

I know: “spell-check” is at fault. [20,000-word rant deleted]

Where did I put that flamethrower?

News Roundup

August 25, 2020 Kim du Toit Bad News

With commentary more acid than a busload of hippies.

…if this was the U.S.A., these would be classified as “Covid deaths”.

…Joe Biden couldn’t bounce if you dropped him into the ocean from a helicopter at 10,000 feet — but I’m willing to try an experiment to see.

…actually, it’s the socialists who are sounding desperate. POTUS (and the rest of us conservatives) are doing fine; we’re just waiting for November, Chuck.

…that’s nice; so now we don’t have to bring our own to the party?

…West Nile virus: “Hold my blood.”

…what’s surprising about this incident is that it didn’t take place in Floriduh. (Portugal? Really?)

...a male teacher did this? I didn’t know there were any left.

…and Baby Vulcan smiles.

…this would really suck if the spy was named something like Prof. Jim-Bob Goodoleboy; but his name sounds like a menu item from Yuk Foo’s Takeout Palace. More to the point: someone ‘splain to me why we still allow these Commie fucks on campus.