Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Swapping Lives

Entertainment

It’s an old party game:  “If you could live the life of another person and not your own, whose life would you choose?”

I know, I know:  most people would turn down the choice and want to live their own lives, thank you very much.

And even if they did decide to play, first choices are generally not so good after a little reflection, e.g. “Jesus Christ” (crucified at age 32, after an admittedly-virtuous life), “Errol Flynn” (died of cirrhosis at age 50, after an anything-but-virtuous life), and so on.  Most lives are either noteworthy but short, or else pretty much unremarkable and not worth the substitution.

However, allow me to suggest just one alternative:  Flavio Briatore

Who he, you ask?  Well, under “Bad Boy” in the dictionary you will find this photo:

Allow me to present the salient facts (as I see them) of this man’s extraordinary life.

  • failed high school repeatedly;
  • started off life as a ski instructor, then a restaurant owner;  and when the latter failed, changed to selling insurance;
  • escaped multiple prison terms and bans stemming from “questionable” activities such as fraud, race-fixing and so on;
  • during exile from Italy, started a successful string of clothing-store franchises, ending up as CEO of Benetton USA and, by the way, stinking rich as a result;
  • was engaged to supermodel Naomi Campbell, then left her for Heidi Klum;
  • fathered a child with Heidi, left her and then got her next husband (Seal) to adopt it (ergo  no child support);
  • co-owned a British Premier League football team (Queen’s Park Rangers);
  • ran two successful Formula 1 racing teams (Benetton and Renault, with all the perks therefrom), and along the way:
  • discovered not one but two Formula 1 champion drivers (Michael Schumacher and Fernando Alonso, FFS);
  • is married to Wonderbra model Elisabetta Gregoraci, who is (duh) thirty years his junior;
  • lives in Monaco (see details below).

Former Bandmate Knob’s little palais  is near Briatore’s in Monaco, and he contributes these two factoids:

Tell me this isn’t at least a somewhat decent alternative to your life… and now you can scurry off to Wikipedia to get all the details.

Feel free to offer your alternatives in Comments, but they’re better be good to beat this guy.

News Roundup

Bad News

Today the topic is Sex, With Added Spice.


…provided you’re not having weekly sex with the preteen daughter of a Hell’s Angel, that is.


…nice to see that the Garda have solved all the serious crime in Ireland and can now focus on  the activities of consenting adults.


…looks like the Scottish rozzers have achieved the same as the Micks.


…I would have used “tit-tillating” in that teaser, and you’ll see why if you follow the link.


…and “I just got sued because I stretched my chick’s box” might end up being the most successful pickup line ever.


…now that’s what I call “Special Ed”.


…I’m questioning their sample composition here.  Just about everyone I know — male and female — who was of age during the 1970s has a bigger number than that.  And I’m excluding my fellow rock musicians of the era from that observation.


…I got nothing, except this happened in Utah.


…I know, this Roundup is supposed to be all about sex;  but tell me you didn’t at least get the stirrings of a woody when you read that headline.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Ah FFS, here we go again with this Monday shit:

So to help you roll that fucking boulder uphill for the umpteenth time in your life, here’s Teh Funny:

And finally, a Reader suggested I look up some bint named Rachel Skarsten, so I did:

I report, you decide… although, to be honest, she’s a trifle skinny for my taste, e.g.:

Now finish getting yer clothes on, and go to work.

2020 Strikes Again

Disaster, SHTF

Once again, the Year From Hell is adding to the catalogue of woes:

And I think the Grand Finale will be:

…which, if it blows, will pretty much wave goodbye to Western civilization.  (The Third World is already in Dark Ages-style squalor, so not much change for them  and like cockroaches, they’ll survive.)

There’s only one thing to do, at this point:

Not my actual Cabinet ‘O Scotch*, but it’s pretty close.  So, after I’m done loading up my [number deleted]  AK- and M1 Carbine mags…

Cheers, y’all.

*Upon close inspection, there are only about a couple of those brands that I’ve never tasted, so maybe a pre-Apocalypse run to Ye Olde Liqueure Shoppe is called for…

Perils Of Illiteracy

Grammar Nazism

Here’s a thought which starts off well, and ends in unintentional hilarity.

“Meanwhile, moving to an unknown place is far from out of character. This time four years ago, I packed up my car in Ohio and drove out west with no plans for two months. In 2018 I hitchhiked around south Peru. Later that summer I landed in Bali with no agenda and a month to spare. While island hopping in Gili, I was caught near the center of an earthquake when I was far from sober prompting me to evacuate.”

You see, “to evacuate” means to empty out, or to be emptied out.  Towns and buildings may be evacuated (by emptying them of people, for instance), but people aren’t evacuated, unless some form of laxative, diuretic or similar are in the picture.

So when the idiot quoted says “I was caught near the center of an earthquake when I was far from sober prompting me to evacuate”, what comes across is actually “I was caught near the center of an earthquake when I was far from sober prompting me to shit myself”  — funny, but I don’t think that’s quite what he was trying to say.

And in The Federalist, too… [sigh]