Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Pissing It All Away

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

I love stories like this one, just not for the reasons you might think.

Michael Carroll scooped the £9.7 million lottery jackpot in 2002 from a £1 ticket.
He gave £4 million to his family before blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels – and he claims to have bedded 4,000 women.
Began to run out of money in 2005 and appeared in court over 30 times.
Described how his lavish lifestyle was ‘the best ten years of his life for a pound’.
After a period of homelessness he is now works as a coalman in Moray, Scotland.

Here’s the thing.  The Usual Suspects are going to whine and bitch about this guy’s behavior — you know, “People like this shouldn’t be playing the lottery!”  and all that shit — but I love it.  Let’s be honest:  this guy was a total yob, working-class scum (as Mr. Free Market might put it);  but why shouldn’t such people have a chance to be happy, too?

He wasn’t completely  irresponsible about it, either:  he did give almost half to his family, up front.  I bet they’re  glad he won.

As for “blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels” and bedding 4,000 women… at least he didn’t waste it.  (Just do the math:  4,000 women during his period of wealth is more than one woman per day, for ten years. Dude.)

And now he’s back to working hard for a living.  Good for him.  It’s not how I would have done it, but then I’m not interested in telling people how to live their lives, or how to spend their money, most especially windfalls.  I’m not a Democrat, in other words.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Ah good grief, it’s that time of week again already, and for some of us, too soon:

So let’s do some remedial laughing.

And now it’s time for a little Monday morning eye-opener:

Who she?

Granted, she has piss-poor taste in men, but then again, that’s quite common among Australian women…

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“For some reason, or maybe because I’m an old lady in my late sixties, fashion designers and haute couture houses no longer want to ‘dress’ me for media events like movie premieres and other red-carpet affairs.  I think I still look quite nice (see attached pics). What should I do?”

— James Bond’s Former Bedmate

Dear Bedmate,

I wouldn’t worry about it.  Frankly, you look better at 70 than 99% of today’s younger tattooed prostitutes who try to pass themselves off as “models” or “actresses”;  and among the older ones like Hanoi Jane Fonda and Titsy Mirren, you look better still.
My suggestion is that you go somewhere like Top Shop or some little boutique in Chelsea, and pick your own red-carpet outfit from among their wares.  (Don’t worry if the things don’t look so good;  after all, Helena Bonham Carter has been dressing like a bag lady for years, and the glitterati all think she’s “charming” and “eccentric”, when you and I both know she’s simply as crazy as a sackful of wet cats and probably has a naked body which, very unlike yours, looks like a plastic bag of warm rice pudding.)
Then you can just laugh when hundreds of women storm the place where you bought your outfit, all hoping that if they buy and wear the same thing they’ll look as good as you did at the red-carpet shindig.  (They won’t, don’t worry.)  Then, when Vivienne Westwood or Paul McCartney’s daughter come crawling back to you to wear their latest foul offerings, tell them you prefer the Top Shop / little boutique’s lines over their overpriced dreck, and they can all fuck off.
Frankly, me sexy old darling, long after everyone has forgotten who all these pretentious little fag designers and stupid lesbo poseurs ever were, you and your movie roles will still be causing pup tents to spring up in men’s beds all over the Western world — and isn’t that a better thing, really?

— Dr. Kim

Attached pics:

(at age 60)
(at age 67)
(taken last year, 2018)
(and me in my youth… sigh)