Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

5 Worst Men

Friday Feature, The Worst

…to have in the room with you after you’ve just had stomach surgery, and it hurts like hell to laugh:

  • Billy Connolly (“Och laddie, yer stomach looks like just another Saturday night in Glasgow.”)
  • Craig Ferguson (“If you were a woman after a C-section, you’d have to get up and wipe the baby’s shitty arse because it’s Match Of The Day on TV and your hubby’s AWOL at the pub.”)
  • Richard Pryor (“You think stitches  hurt?  Try settin’ yo’self on fire, honkie.”)
  • Robin Williams (“Stomach surgery is God saying to you, ‘Here, try a little cocaine.’ “)
  • Bill Burr (“Look, I’m not saying what you have isn’t terrible — but ever had your girlfriend’s broken acrylic nail wedged in your hemorrhoids?”)

Your nominations in Comments.

Caption Competition #98

Captions, Friday Feature

So you’re invited to the U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires, where the Argies are having a function in your honor.  As it’s a formal affair, you have to wear at least a dark suit and a tie.

Whereupon you show up in said dark suit, but with your tie undone, your shirt untucked, wearing a Salvation Army scarf and clown shoes.

A rapper?  A tech executive?  A rock star?  Nope, it’s Al fucking Pacino:

Although my favorite pic of all at the august gathering is this one:

…and it’s just crying out for a caption.

Have at it, in Comments.

Quote Of The Day

QOTD

SOTI:

“I only dump my load into anti-vaxxers, because 8 years of child support is better than 18.”

Now that’s  someone who understands how to put the odds in your favor.

And speaking of toxic loads…

Taking these two items in tandem, I haven’t laughed so much since the neighbor lady got her tits caught in the spindryer.

Note:  a fitting way to mark my 2,000th post since starting Splendid Isolation.