Stuff that makes me laugh
Still from Liz Jones:
I was reminded of a wedding I went to with my then husband Nirpal. The groom had hand made a book of poems about his love for his bride, which he then proceeded to read out loud to her and us. I’d turned to Nirpal and hissed crossly, “Why didn’t you do that for me when we got married?”
And he’d replied, “Think yourself lucky. The groom has had sex with other men.”
Remember: when you think you’ve had it rough, there’s always someone else who’s had it worse.
“I’ve not drunk instant coffee since 1972. And even then, it was under duress.” — Liz Jones
My date was 1992 — because like Liz, I came from an instant-coffee culture. And it took emigration to break the ghastly spell. Now, I can’t even stand the smell of the swill.
Your suggestions in Comments.
Whenever politicians (especially presidents) suggest that citizens should just “turn in” their guns to the authorities, my response is always, “You first”.
In other words, you forego your own guns, and disarm your security details first. (And for the police chiefs who buy into this bullshit: first disarm all your police officers, especially your SWAT teams with those evil military-style weapons; let’s see how that works out.)
Fortunately, thanks to some excellent reporting, I can now say that at least one group of brave politicians is following my suggestion.
Democratic National Committee spokesperson Michael Tyler announced Thursday that all candidates who run in the 2020 presidential election as Democrats will completely forego armed security for the entirety of their campaigns, in a clear and bold stance against gun violence in America.
As the title of this post suggests…
Maybe it’s a major character flaw, but for some reason, I can’t get upset about what this guy did:
Fraudster, 61, commits suicide at his Missouri ranch three days after he was handed 10-year sentence for falsely marketing corn and soybeans as organic in $142M scam and then ‘spending the cash on gambling and escorts in Vegas’
I mean, seriously: if you’re going to defraud stupid people for their bullshit beliefs and oh-so-virtuous lifestyle, why not go to Vegas and gamble / whore the money away? Go out in style, say I.
Have to say, though: $142 million on chips and whores? Dude.
I’m surprised he lasted long enough to suck on his exhaust pipe.
I made a stunning discovery over the weekend when reading this article in the Babylon Bee:
Authorities ran tests on the clone and found extremely high levels of hypersensitivity, dramatic tendencies, excessive sass, and severe humor comprehension impairment. “We presented her with many jokes unrelated to her on any level. We found that she took them all personally, no matter how irrational a connection.” [emphasis added]
So there it is, folks: today’s liberals / social democrats / socialists / “woke” generation [massive overlap] have been scientifically proven to have the temperament of a 12-year-old girl*.
*I’m not sure if this post qualifies as “meta-satire”, but then I’m no English major.