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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Boll Weevil
…wait, I meant Poll Evil.
So I went over to the polling station yesterday to vote against Godless Communism, and of course this being north Texas, it was busier than a $5 hooker during Fleet Week. Fortunately, there were a jillion of those horrible voting machine thingies, so there was no wait.
While signing in, I made the usual joke about my name (“girl’s first name, French last name, but this week I’m identifying as a man”) which brought a tiny smile from the 100-year-old lady checking me in, her comment being, “And that’s a good thing”. And I prepared to join the rest of the folks voting against Godless Communism — don’t ask me how I could tell; it’s the district which Trump carried with 85% of the votes cast, FFS.
Except in my case, of course, because it appears I’d waited too late to change my voting address (I did it as part of changing the address on my driver’s license). So when they checked the voters’ roll, my old address showed up.
I said, “Okay, I don’t mind going over to Plano to vote, ’cause I have some errands to run over there anyway” (which I did).
“Oh no,” says Great-Great-Granny Moses, “we can just change it right here seeing as it’s what your driver’s license allows.”
“Excellent,” says I, and to make a joke of the whole thing, I added, “So I can vote here, and then scoot over to Plano and vote there too?”
Dead. Silence. From all the volunteers.
Oops. Then from Great-Great-Granny Moses, one word: “Nope.”
“I’d never do that, of course,” I say quickly, trying to thaw the atmosphere, “because people might think I’m a Democrat.”
Some muted chuckles (from only a few of the volunteers) as my ballot was being printed out. From Great-Great-Granny Moses, just a stony stare as she handed it over.
I scurried over to the machine with my tail between my legs, and tried to make up for my foolishness by voting against Godless Communism.
There are times, it seems, when it’s not safe to make a joke. Even in Republican north Texas.
Priorities
Taylor Swift snubs Kamala Harris’ closing election rally as it clashes with Monday Night Football
When your boyfriend’s football game is more important than a Democrat election rally…
News Roundup
…because you just never know when your lady is going to need a black rifle, right?
But in Global Jew-Hate News:
...or maybe just shoot them dead on the spot. Too extreme?
...who cares? He’s just the new top of the IDF Hit List anyway.
In the latest Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:
…wait, I thought “climate change” was a bad thing. Did I miss the memo?
...but seeing as this started over three hundred years ago (before SUVs), can this really be because of that same anthropomorphic “climate change”?
In related news:
...oops. But the best part is that the fire station didn’t have a fire alarm because “it wouldn’t be necessary”.
...nice to see that the Frogs have so much spare cash lying around. And on the topic of Too Much Money:
...because Microsoft is way behind in the AI technology war. If they were ahead, he’d be saying that AI would be the salvation of Mankind.
From the Dept. of Education:
...hey, at least she was banging her boss and not a student. Unlike this next slut:
...good thing there’s DNA testing, otherwise all twelve would be part of the “Guess The Daddy” game. And on the topic of illicit sex:
...keyword: Australia.
Some Totally Silly News:
...Hollywood wasn’t liberal enough?
...but at least they looked good when their lifeless bodies were pulled from the water, right?
And now in link-free and picture-free 
...ummm Leo, dude: that’s not exactly “Grab A Granny” now, is it?
And one more time down 
:
...welcome back, darlin’. It’s been too long.
Now let’s get ready for the next news cycle…
From The Old Alma Mater
Every so often I get mail from U. of North Texas, most of which I ignore because if I respond to any of them, they’ll just hit me with requests for money (like most unasked-for emails from organizations do).
Not that I’d give them a red cent, the chiseling Mean Green Leftist assholes.
But this one made me chuckle.
I hasten to add that this has nothing to do with the famous RCOB©, known and beloved of my Longtime Readers, although in the context of the above, a “teaching innovation” would be an angry roar of: “If you little assholes don’t stop looking at your phones during my lectures, I’m going to fail the entire fucking class this semester!!!”
Or something like that.
Monday Funnies
As if Monday wasn’t bad enough, we have Election Day tomorrow, but still…
But to remind everyone what’s at stake tomorrow:
…if by “deport” you mean “loading them into the helicopters for that one-way flight”, then yes.
And my final thought:
See y’all at the polls tomorrow.
