Pride of the Jersey Shore, or Pikey Princess?
Tough guess, innit?
Answer here.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Cutting Humor
Ol’ Diogenes has a little fun at the expense of the Brits:
Here in America we worry about democrats trying to take away our 2nd Amendment right to keep and bear arms. Over in England, Royal subjects are not allowed to have guns so Brits run around stabbing each other, which prompted the government to take away knife ownership rights. Naturally British thugs have to move on to carrying something else lethal.
Or, as we put it:
That’s a badass-lookin’ Bowie, by the way, although I prefer my Fox (with 1911 to give the proper proportion of the thing):
One wonders what the Regents Park Plod would make of that? (Oh, and I have no rusty spoons in my possession, so I’d be okay — see link for explanation.)
Dead Meat
Ah yes, our animal-loving friends:
Their protest would have been SO much more effective without breathing holes.
AIDS Cure Found In Dolphin Livers
Okay, nothing quite reaches that finding on the Kim Irony Scale, but this one sure comes close:
Cleaner waterways in New York City have attracted more sea life, including seals, dolphins, whales, and sharks in bigger numbers than seen in a century.
Sadly, many don’t survive the trip — there are also more mammals washing ashore or getting stranded.
Cases of beached whales have surged statewide, from 22 in 2009-2013 to 41 from 2014-2018, data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration shows.
In the city, Breezy Point in Queens has become the top place for beached whales, with two dead humpbacks being discovered there in 2018, according to the Atlantic Marine Conservation Society.
A third whale found last year was hauled off the beach in Jamaica Bay in September.
So Greenies, what’s it gonna be:
- dirty water / no dead whales on the beach, or
- sparkly-clean water / dead whales all over the place?
I’ll be over there in the corner, laughing my ass off.
News Roundup
Wherein I comment on news items not worthy of their own post. This episode: sexy stuff.
1) Sex doesn’t have to hurt — but where’s the fun in that?
2) Friction Burns — as I keep reminding women: pubic hair has an actual purpose (as a dry lubricant), so shaving yer pubes is eventually going to cause trouble. Now “science” proves me right.
3) Dick Enhancements Don’t — just about anyone with an IQ over 50 could have told you that; but no, we needed “science” to prove it. (And a piece of caustic advice for any man who gets criticized for his ummmm shortcomings: tell her it’s not that your dick’s too small, it’s that her box is bigger than the Lincoln Tunnel. Instant neuroses, guaranteed.)
4) Russkis need help with sex — I would have thought they had that pretty much under control, considering that the phrase “like a Moscow street whore” has entered the popular vernacular. On the other hand, it may just be the older, Soviet-era women who have the problem:
…in which case, gawd help us all.
News Roundup
— Scientists find traces of cocaine in freshwater shrimp — so everybody panic: we’re all gonna DIIIIEEEEEEEE! I wonder where they sampled the freshwater shrimp; from the Orinoco River in Colombia? [warning: contains Enya]
— Piss off, tourists! — Amsterdam has finally had enough (as bemoaned on this website some time ago). Bugger.
— “We’re not going to tell you how to live” — If only they weren’t such boring socialists with shitty gun laws, I’d live there.
— Socialists Go Ultra-Crazy On Gun Confiscation — Fuck off, Spartacus. And take all your socialist control-freak buddies with you. Or: keep it up and watch Trump win 40 states in 2020.
— All over the world, everybody hates their gummint — Don’t even bother asking the Venezuelans. The Chinese would be the same, except that if they admit it, they get shot. By their gummint.