Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

— Scientists find traces of cocaine in freshwater shrimp — so everybody panic:  we’re all gonna DIIIIEEEEEEEE!   I wonder where they sampled the freshwater shrimp;  from the Orinoco River in Colombia? [warning: contains Enya]

— Piss off, tourists! — Amsterdam has finally had enough (as bemoaned on this website some time ago).  Bugger.

— “We’re not going to tell you how to live” — If only they weren’t such boring socialists with shitty gun laws, I’d live there.

— Socialists Go Ultra-Crazy On Gun Confiscation — Fuck off, Spartacus.  And take all your socialist control-freak buddies with you.  Or:  keep it up and watch Trump win 40 states in 2020.

— All over the world, everybody hates their gummint — Don’t even bother asking the Venezuelans.  The Chinese would be the same, except that if they admit it, they get shot.  By their gummint.

Surprisingly Unmoved

Bad News

Talk about a tease.  The headline for this article started off quite promisingly, with:

Killer 1,000ft wide asteroid wipes out New York

…only to be spoiled by the rest:

…as ‘planetary defence’ scientists fail to save Earth by deflecting it in simulation of terrifying Armageddon scenario

Well, shit.  There for a moment I was envisioning a future without the New York Times, and let me tell you, it was a warm, wonderful place.

On those lines:  couldn’t it just be a smaller asteroid, one that takes out only the 41st St block between 7th and 8th?

Feel free to add your  least-favorite NYFC blocks, in Comments.

Not Sustainable

Funny Stuff

Apparently, there was a new thing at Coachella this year, whereby young sluts whores women walked around with only glitter to cover their superstructure:

 

I note that among this be-glittered set, there was a certain (shall we say) volumetric uniformity  amongst them.  Ditto age, whereby Mother Nature and Father Gravity have not yet exerted their joint influence upon such superstructures.

Which is why this fad can only be temporary.  Imagine the tonnage of glitter required for someone not similarly structured Read more

News Roundup

Good Stuff

Wherein I summarize the news of the recent past.  (Warning:  I’m in an irreverent mood today…)

1) TV presenter gives up booze — and becomes the world’s most boring woman.  (Caution:  link contains Piers Morgan.)

2) Gang-rape victim reports crime, gets raped again by a cop — guess it just wasn’t her day, was it?  (Come on:  it happened in Pakistan, that bastion of civilization where all women are revered.)

3) Dallas gang beats up trannie — guess the race of the attackers… nope, ’twasn’t Muzzies; not this time, anyway.

4) Notre Dame Cathedral destroyed by fire — I guess the BVM was busy doing something else at the time, huh?  (I warned ya.)

5) Rich farts in CT can’t sell their houses at inflated prices — ‘cos all the would-be buyers have fled to low-tax states already.

6) Naked stabber killed by security guard — wait, McDonald’s has security guards now?  Oh yeah… southern California.  Never mind.  And finally, from the Department of Good News:

7) Hollywood sees revenues plummet — see pic above.

WHM III

History

When the history of the world is explored at some time far into the future, historians will scratch their heads at the collapse of an entire culture and civilization, and wonder how a society so successful, so prosperous and so advanced could have fallen into disrepair and decay, this little footnote may shed some light on the topic.

Now as we all know, today’s grannies are generally not the same as grannies of yore.  Here’s yore:

…and here’s today:

   

Sadly, however, this modern-day ageless sexiness seems to have washed away the modesty and reserve for which grannies were once renowned, and one arrives at this sad conclusion (warning: link contains extreme nausea risk):

A grandmother and self-proclaimed ‘prolific cougar’ who has dated hundreds of toy boys believes bedding men under 30 is the key to keeping young.
Gaynor Evans, 57, from Enfield, North London, has dated more than 200 younger men since she had a fling with a 23-year-old after divorcing her second husband in 2010.
The author, agony aunt and businesswoman never dates exclusively and said she has no intention of her love life slowing down – despite being a grandmother of four.

…and there you have it.  “Agony aunt” indeed.