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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Excuses, Excuses
A teacher talks about bizarre excuses for tardiness. Some classics include:
“The ceiling in the boys toilets collapsed due to the weight of the vapes hidden inside the ceiling tiles so they had to go to a different toilet”, and “their grandmother was meant to drop them off but went to the wrong school”, not to mention “the wait for Greggs sausage rolls made them late for school.”
Back when I were a whining schoolboy, I think in about 1970, I once made up an excuse for not having done my Math homework. If I say so myself, it was a brilliant excuse (sadly, I cannot recall it, only that it was excellent and could have brought many to tears).
Unfortunately, the teacher was not some rookie, but an elderly man who had been teaching at St. John’s College since 1932, and was not to be fooled. He smiled, and remarked:
“Do you know, I haven’t heard that excuse since the early 1950s.”
Howls of laughter from all the other guys in the class, and Red-Faced Kim had to acknowledge his defeat. However, Mr. Jefferies (“Judge” was his nickname) showed some empathy by not punishing me, because of my creativity.
I always did my Math homework after that.
News Roundup
So let’s skirt the boundaries of good taste one more time, by looking at the news of yore.
…
In Britishland News:
...mostly at gas stations and cafe-type stores, so no need to panic.
…
...and you can fuck right off too, you unctuous, slimy piece of shit.
And it’s time to hear the call of EVERYBODY PANIC !!!! again:
...yeah, whatever. Go and peddle your little scare stories somewhere else. And:
...and are these experts telling us why and in which population the virus is spreading so fast?
#HomoSex
And speaking of monkeys, here’s the latest from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
...borrowing tactics from TxGov Abbot and FlGov DeSantis, eh? Yer welcome.
...well, somebody might as well use them.
In Election News:
...see, under the reign of World-Emperor Kim:
...nobody cares what you think, either. Even if you did win the competition for “Most Likely To Have New Career on OnlyFans”. And speaking of the inconsequential:
…
...any guesses which county in Texas?
#TravisAustinCommieAssholes #NoSurprisesThere
In Motoring Technology News:
...I’m so old, I can remember when the only “software” in trucks was between the drivers’ ears.
...yeah [sigh], I miss ’em too.
And in gloriously link-free 
…considering he’s already had two goes at cultivating your little garden of delight, I seriously doubt he’s missing anything.
...pay no attention to the envious assholes, Demi me old darling; you look sensational and it’s been money well spent.
And that’s the back side of the news.
Bad Idea
Here’s one that might get me into trouble:
Nicola McLean reveals she wants to reduce her ‘ridiculous’ 32GG boobs due to ‘nightmare’ pain and insecurity from being stared at
A brief reminder of whom (and what) we’re talking about:
And the only possible response:
Geography Problem
News Roundup
So chug down that morning tipple, and let’s get on with it.
In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
...y’all want us just to kill him here, or do you want him back so you can have the pleasure? (offer not valid in states without the death penalty)
...it’s actually all a tragic mistake caused by a language problem. When he was told “Go get some from Five Guys”…
Then on to International News:
...wake up, old son: Biden has never been your ally, unlike Trump. And speaking of whom:
...I’m not so sure that the Stupid Party needs advice from this guy:
...but let’s keep “Trump” and “blowout” handy for later.
Some news from the Daily Woker:
...now if only they could concentrate on making decent beer...
Some Crime News:
...who do they think they are: the Secret Service?
...ya think? The real question is: why?
In the Business World:
...what; did all those government subsidies run out?
In Travel News:
...well, perhaps if you allowed them to drink booze; but noooo, it offends your fucking stupid guidebook or whatever.
In Parish News:
...yeah, bet he was surprised at being arrested for impersonating an influential Epstein client.
From the Medical Files:
…
And in the perpetually link-free 
And as we look at properties in 
:
...I bet she does. She always has that “JBF” look about her...
...or that “just about to be” look:
And that’s the end of the nipples news.