Stuff that makes me laugh
I feel I need to give y’all fair warning:
Idiot: the French for “washing machine” is “femme”, so of course it’s feminine. And speaking of femmes:
More swimsuits, I heard you say? Oh, why not.
That’s the latest trend: completely transparent bikinis. More of these next week, unless someone complains.
And speaking of huge dicks:
...by which he means people with names like “Trump”, “Orban” and “Meloni”.
From the Department of the Blindingly Obvious:
...in other breaking news, Allied landings in Normandy have been successful. Also:
...not only that, it appears as though Lindbergh made it across the Atlantic.
...rise in crime rate beginning in 3…2…1...
...forget it, Jake. It’s Houstontown.
In Medical News:
More medical news:
...and you’ll never guess the guy’s name.
...reminding people why Reagan and Thatcher were so popular for breaking the power of the unions.
...of course, anyone who drinks tea with a ribeye and salad deserves to die more painfully than from iron deficiency.
...guess he drank tea with his 5lbs of daily steak.
...that’s going to work about as well as their gun ban.
And once more unto the linkless breach known as 
...in the dictionary under “Overkill” will be her photo.
...nope, no bells are ringing over here; anyone else?
And sauntering down 
we see:
...ah yes, the former Disney princess who introduced us to teenage tits is at it again:
...but wait! there’s more!
And on that knee-knocking note, we end the news.
Your suggestions in Comments.
A teacher talks about bizarre excuses for tardiness. Some classics include:
“The ceiling in the boys toilets collapsed due to the weight of the vapes hidden inside the ceiling tiles so they had to go to a different toilet”, and “their grandmother was meant to drop them off but went to the wrong school”, not to mention “the wait for Greggs sausage rolls made them late for school.”
Back when I were a whining schoolboy, I think in about 1970, I once made up an excuse for not having done my Math homework. If I say so myself, it was a brilliant excuse (sadly, I cannot recall it, only that it was excellent and could have brought many to tears).
Unfortunately, the teacher was not some rookie, but an elderly man who had been teaching at St. John’s College since 1932, and was not to be fooled. He smiled, and remarked:
“Do you know, I haven’t heard that excuse since the early 1950s.”
Howls of laughter from all the other guys in the class, and Red-Faced Kim had to acknowledge his defeat. However, Mr. Jefferies (“Judge” was his nickname) showed some empathy by not punishing me, because of my creativity.
I always did my Math homework after that.
So let’s skirt the boundaries of good taste one more time, by looking at the news of yore.
…
In Britishland News:
...mostly at gas stations and cafe-type stores, so no need to panic.
…
...and you can fuck right off too, you unctuous, slimy piece of shit.
And it’s time to hear the call of EVERYBODY PANIC !!!! again:
...yeah, whatever. Go and peddle your little scare stories somewhere else. And:
...and are these experts telling us why and in which population the virus is spreading so fast?
#HomoSex
And speaking of monkeys, here’s the latest from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
...borrowing tactics from TxGov Abbot and FlGov DeSantis, eh? Yer welcome.
...well, somebody might as well use them.
In Election News:
...see, under the reign of World-Emperor Kim:
...nobody cares what you think, either. Even if you did win the competition for “Most Likely To Have New Career on OnlyFans”. And speaking of the inconsequential:
…
...any guesses which county in Texas?
#TravisAustinCommieAssholes #NoSurprisesThere
In Motoring Technology News:
...I’m so old, I can remember when the only “software” in trucks was between the drivers’ ears.
...yeah [sigh], I miss ’em too.
And in gloriously link-free 
…considering he’s already had two goes at cultivating your little garden of delight, I seriously doubt he’s missing anything.
...pay no attention to the envious assholes, Demi me old darling; you look sensational and it’s been money well spent.
And that’s the back side of the news.
Here’s one that might get me into trouble:
Nicola McLean reveals she wants to reduce her ‘ridiculous’ 32GG boobs due to ‘nightmare’ pain and insecurity from being stared at
A brief reminder of whom (and what) we’re talking about:
And the only possible response:
