Your contributions in Comments.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
5 Worst Christmas Presents
In ascending order of foulness:
- dinner with Nancy Pelosi
- a Christmas fruit cake
- a Claymore mine missing the “This Side Towards The Enemy” marking
- a CD entitled “Frank Sinatra: The Last Years”
- two dinners with Nancy Pelosi
Your nominations in Comments.
Caption Competition #51
Your quotes in Comments… (and I call dibs on “Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away…”)
5 Worst Christmas Golden Book Titles
In ascending order of appalling:
- “Your Dad Is Actually Santa Claus” by Ayn Rand
- “How To Drink Rum Eggnog Like A Grownup” by Captain Morgan
- “Getting The Expensive Presents You Really Want: A Child’s Guide To Blackmail” by Stormy Daniels
- “Santa Claus: Just Another White Male Oppressor” by Andrea Dworkin
- “Jesus Christ: Jew Bastard” by Ayotollah Khameini
Your nominations in Comments.
Ho Ho Ho
It’s stories like this which brighten up my day:
A mother sent her five-year-old to his school nativity with a ‘shepherd’ costume she bought online — before realising it came with a blow up sheep sex doll.
No doubt the online vendor of the product was based in Wales, or New Zealand…
“Dear Dr. Kim”
“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My daughter, a former TV actress, married very well — in fact, she married into Britain’s Royal Family. Since her wedding, I’ve been texting her every day but she ignores my texts (I believe it’s called “ghosting” nowadays).
What can I do to get her to respond to me?”
— Shunned In California
Dear Shunned:
Missing from your letter is how often you texted her before she “married well”. If the answer is “every day”, then you have a legitimate gripe, and the callous little bitch is a social climber of the worst kind.
If, however, the answer is “never” or “hardly ever” or “only to beg her for money”, then you’re the dickhead and she’s well rid of you.
— Dr. Kim