Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

5 Worst Ways For A Woman To Break Up With A Man

Friday Feature, The Worst

(Note to my Lady Readers:  I accept no responsibility if you do any of the following.)

Ranked in ascending order of coldness:

  • Arrange a “break-up dinner” at a restaurant, and split his head open with a cleaver when he starts whining and protesting
  • Invite him over so that he arrives while you’re in bed with the New Guy (and bonus points if it’s his apartment that you’re sharing)
  • Tell him you’ve finally decided to have a threesome, only it will be with Roger and Dave, and he’s not invited
  • Send him a nude selfie from your hotel room in Jamaica, said selfie to include the equally-naked (and fully erect) Jamaican pool “boy” in the background
  • Get your mother to give him the bad news. (Bonus points if she’s always hated him.)

Your suggestions in Comments.

Us Vs. Them

Men & Women

What women see:

“OMG, look how beautiful that sea is, and the islands are so romantic, and look! there’s a cruise ship out there, I wonder what the view’s like from the ship?”

What men see: 

…and don’t try to deny it.

5 Worst Things To Say During A Traffic Stop

Friday Feature, The Worst

In ascending order of ill-advisedness:

  • “Only 120?  That’s disappointing;  my speedo was showing 135.”
  • “If I give you a sip from my hip flask, will you let me off with a warning?”
  • “I’ll have a hot dog with fries, and a vanilla shake… darlin’.”
  • “Apparently, radar speed guns cause testicular cancer.  I fucking hope so.”
  • “Here:  hold my gun while I look for my wallet.”

Your suggestions in Comments.