Ferrari Incel: for the billionaire geek who still can’t land a girlfriend.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Contrarian
You should never plant a sandbox tree. It is too dangerous to have around people or animals, and when planted in isolated areas it is likely to spread.
Why is it that a warning about this murderous tree makes me want to plant a circle of them around my house? (Found via the Knuckledragger, thankee.)
Seriously: who needs those loud, messy (and illegal) Claymore thingies when you can get Mother Nature to provide this little party?
Sandbox tree fruits look like little pumpkins, but once they dry into seed capsules, they become ticking time bombs. When fully mature, they explode with a loud bang and fling their hard, flattened seeds at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour and distances of over 60 feet. The shrapnel can seriously injure any person or animal in its path. As bad as this is, the exploding seed pods are only one of the ways that a sandbox tree can inflict harm.
They even look badass:
Is it just me, or does this look like a spiked collar around the neck of an angry Rottweiler? It speaks to me, and what it says is: “Mess with me, motherfucker, and I will kill you.”
Want.
Afterthought: in the interests of Saving Mother Gaia, we should plant a ten-mile deep line of these bad boys along our southern border; I mean, who can be against reforestation?
Gettin’ Old Here, Boss
You know you’re getting old (or perhaps you just need better focus), when you see this pic:
…and all you can think is, “Fuck, that’s an ugly holster!”
News Recap
…in which I summarize snippets of news that I couldn’t be bothered to spend more time over.
- Disney Corporation reinstates some director I’ve never heard of to make a movie I’m never going to see — yeah, whatever. Falling tree, meet forest.
- Gummint assholes make a guy park somewhere else and try to destroy his business because his bumper sticker hurt their feewings — actually, his bumper sticker (Black Rifles Matter) simultaneously satirizes an anarcho-racist movement and makes a pro-Constitutional freedom statement. Anyone know where I can get one?
- Piers Morgan talks a load of bullshit (again) — I know, not really news. [totally unnecessary warning: link contains Piers Morgan]
- Chelsea Clinton accused of helping incite New Zealand massacre — you couldn’t cut irony this thick with a chainsaw.
- Senator Elizabeth Warren (1/1024 part-Cherokee) has no sympathy for parents who attempted to corrupt the college admissions process — where can I get my chainsaw sharpened?
- The French are revolting (again) — there’s only one answer to all this for granny-grabbing FrogPM Macron: ban the weekend! And finally:
- Kids skip classes (but for a “good cause”) — creates two (largely rhetorical) questions: 1) given how totally shit the public school system is (regardless of country), was this absence actually a better thing for the kids? and 2) will this mass walkout actually achieve anything concrete in affecting “climate change”? (All those who attempted to answer “yes” to the latter question, put on the Dunce cap and go stand in the corner.)
Cartoon of the week (via Insty, thence Power Line):
Think of it as visual evidence of this thesis.
Comment Of The Day
…does not come from this website, for a change. As we all know, Georgia was smacked by a couple tornadoes a little while ago, and while there was a lot of damage, this house miraculously escaped, pretty much unscathed, despite being directly in the tornado’s path.
And in the comments below the article came this absolute gem:
Dude… Seriously?
Is it so wrong that this headline made me howl with laughter?
Argentine doctor is arrested for ‘masturbating on a 27-year-old patient’s back while performing an ultrasound on her genitals’
I’m creating the visual, here… sorry, I have to go to the toilet because otherwise my pants will become unsanitary.
Okay, I’m better now.
However, there is a serious aspect to this episode. Using gun restrictionists’ logic, therefore, we need to ban these assault ultrasound devices (“assault” in that they enable perverts to sexually assault their female patients) and furthermore, all doctors should have to pass a state background check for masturbatory impulses.
Hey, if it can save just one back from being jizzed on, right?