Just when you thought you’d heard everything… how about “Yoga With Lemurs”?
And no, I didn’t make it up: it’s a real thing. This, from the country struggling with Brexit.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
WHM III
When the history of the world is explored at some time far into the future, historians will scratch their heads at the collapse of an entire culture and civilization, and wonder how a society so successful, so prosperous and so advanced could have fallen into disrepair and decay, this little footnote may shed some light on the topic.
Now as we all know, today’s grannies are generally not the same as grannies of yore. Here’s yore:
…and here’s today:
Sadly, however, this modern-day ageless sexiness seems to have washed away the modesty and reserve for which grannies were once renowned, and one arrives at this sad conclusion (warning: link contains extreme nausea risk):
A grandmother and self-proclaimed ‘prolific cougar’ who has dated hundreds of toy boys believes bedding men under 30 is the key to keeping young.
Gaynor Evans, 57, from Enfield, North London, has dated more than 200 younger men since she had a fling with a 23-year-old after divorcing her second husband in 2010.
The author, agony aunt and businesswoman never dates exclusively and said she has no intention of her love life slowing down – despite being a grandmother of four.
…and there you have it. “Agony aunt” indeed.
New Product
Ferrari Incel: for the billionaire geek who still can’t land a girlfriend.
Contrarian
You should never plant a sandbox tree. It is too dangerous to have around people or animals, and when planted in isolated areas it is likely to spread.
Why is it that a warning about this murderous tree makes me want to plant a circle of them around my house? (Found via the Knuckledragger, thankee.)
Seriously: who needs those loud, messy (and illegal) Claymore thingies when you can get Mother Nature to provide this little party?
Sandbox tree fruits look like little pumpkins, but once they dry into seed capsules, they become ticking time bombs. When fully mature, they explode with a loud bang and fling their hard, flattened seeds at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour and distances of over 60 feet. The shrapnel can seriously injure any person or animal in its path. As bad as this is, the exploding seed pods are only one of the ways that a sandbox tree can inflict harm.
They even look badass:
Is it just me, or does this look like a spiked collar around the neck of an angry Rottweiler? It speaks to me, and what it says is: “Mess with me, motherfucker, and I will kill you.”
Want.
Afterthought: in the interests of Saving Mother Gaia, we should plant a ten-mile deep line of these bad boys along our southern border; I mean, who can be against reforestation?
Gettin’ Old Here, Boss
You know you’re getting old (or perhaps you just need better focus), when you see this pic:
…and all you can think is, “Fuck, that’s an ugly holster!”
News Recap
…in which I summarize snippets of news that I couldn’t be bothered to spend more time over.
- Disney Corporation reinstates some director I’ve never heard of to make a movie I’m never going to see — yeah, whatever. Falling tree, meet forest.
- Gummint assholes make a guy park somewhere else and try to destroy his business because his bumper sticker hurt their feewings — actually, his bumper sticker (Black Rifles Matter) simultaneously satirizes an anarcho-racist movement and makes a pro-Constitutional freedom statement. Anyone know where I can get one?
- Piers Morgan talks a load of bullshit (again) — I know, not really news. [totally unnecessary warning: link contains Piers Morgan]
- Chelsea Clinton accused of helping incite New Zealand massacre — you couldn’t cut irony this thick with a chainsaw.
- Senator Elizabeth Warren (1/1024 part-Cherokee) has no sympathy for parents who attempted to corrupt the college admissions process — where can I get my chainsaw sharpened?
- The French are revolting (again) — there’s only one answer to all this for granny-grabbing FrogPM Macron: ban the weekend! And finally:
- Kids skip classes (but for a “good cause”) — creates two (largely rhetorical) questions: 1) given how totally shit the public school system is (regardless of country), was this absence actually a better thing for the kids? and 2) will this mass walkout actually achieve anything concrete in affecting “climate change”? (All those who attempted to answer “yes” to the latter question, put on the Dunce cap and go stand in the corner.)
Cartoon of the week (via Insty, thence Power Line):
Think of it as visual evidence of this thesis.