Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Not Sustainable

Funny Stuff

Apparently, there was a new thing at Coachella this year, whereby young sluts whores women walked around with only glitter to cover their superstructure:

 

I note that among this be-glittered set, there was a certain (shall we say) volumetric uniformity  amongst them.  Ditto age, whereby Mother Nature and Father Gravity have not yet exerted their joint influence upon such superstructures.

Which is why this fad can only be temporary.  Imagine the tonnage of glitter required for someone not similarly structured Read more

News Roundup

Good Stuff

Wherein I summarize the news of the recent past.  (Warning:  I’m in an irreverent mood today…)

1) TV presenter gives up booze — and becomes the world’s most boring woman.  (Caution:  link contains Piers Morgan.)

2) Gang-rape victim reports crime, gets raped again by a cop — guess it just wasn’t her day, was it?  (Come on:  it happened in Pakistan, that bastion of civilization where all women are revered.)

3) Dallas gang beats up trannie — guess the race of the attackers… nope, ’twasn’t Muzzies; not this time, anyway.

4) Notre Dame Cathedral destroyed by fire — I guess the BVM was busy doing something else at the time, huh?  (I warned ya.)

5) Rich farts in CT can’t sell their houses at inflated prices — ‘cos all the would-be buyers have fled to low-tax states already.

6) Naked stabber killed by security guard — wait, McDonald’s has security guards now?  Oh yeah… southern California.  Never mind.  And finally, from the Department of Good News:

7) Hollywood sees revenues plummet — see pic above.

WHM III

History

When the history of the world is explored at some time far into the future, historians will scratch their heads at the collapse of an entire culture and civilization, and wonder how a society so successful, so prosperous and so advanced could have fallen into disrepair and decay, this little footnote may shed some light on the topic.

Now as we all know, today’s grannies are generally not the same as grannies of yore.  Here’s yore:

…and here’s today:

   

Sadly, however, this modern-day ageless sexiness seems to have washed away the modesty and reserve for which grannies were once renowned, and one arrives at this sad conclusion (warning: link contains extreme nausea risk):

A grandmother and self-proclaimed ‘prolific cougar’ who has dated hundreds of toy boys believes bedding men under 30 is the key to keeping young.
Gaynor Evans, 57, from Enfield, North London, has dated more than 200 younger men since she had a fling with a 23-year-old after divorcing her second husband in 2010.
The author, agony aunt and businesswoman never dates exclusively and said she has no intention of her love life slowing down – despite being a grandmother of four.

…and there you have it.  “Agony aunt” indeed.

Contrarian

Nature

You should never plant a sandbox tree. It is too dangerous to have around people or animals, and when planted in isolated areas it is likely to spread.

Why is it that a warning about this murderous tree makes me want to plant a circle of them around my house?  (Found via the Knuckledragger, thankee.)

Seriously:  who needs those loud, messy (and illegal) Claymore thingies when you can get Mother Nature to provide this little party?

Sandbox tree fruits look like little pumpkins, but once they dry into seed capsules, they become ticking time bombs. When fully mature, they explode with a loud bang and fling their hard, flattened seeds at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour and distances of over 60 feet. The shrapnel can seriously injure any person or animal in its path. As bad as this is, the exploding seed pods are only one of the ways that a sandbox tree can inflict harm.

They even look  badass:

Is it just me, or does this look like a spiked collar around the neck of an angry Rottweiler?  It speaks to me, and what it says is:  “Mess with me, motherfucker, and I will kill you.”

Want.

Afterthought:  in the interests of Saving Mother Gaia, we should plant a ten-mile deep line of these bad boys along our southern border;  I mean, who can be against reforestation?