Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Garbage Collection

Science!, Technology

For a bunch of supposed scientists, these tits seem to be remarkably unworldly [sic]:

Earth’s orbit is filling up with junk. Greenhouse gases are making the problem worse.
By the end of the century, a shrinking atmosphere could create a minefield for satellites.

I’m going to ignore the “greenhouse gases” bit because I have an abiding suspicion of headlines which require that we stop buying SUVs and generating electricity.

I’ll buy the first part, though, because that’s actual scientific observation.

Now I’m not a scientist, make no claims to be one, and I’m certainly no astrophysicist.  But I am a capitalist, and it seems to me that the solution is not to turn off all lightbulbs on Earth, but to let the market take care of the junk problem, by simply collecting it and disposing of it as we do with all our other household junk.

Here’s my suggestion:  have ol’ Elon Musk design a giant Shop-Vac that can be mounted on one of his rockets, and launch it into space to collect debris.  Then, when the receptacle is full, launch the craft into the general direction of the Sun for eventual incineration.  This action could be repeated with more Junk-X spacecraft until our atmosphere is neat and tidy again.

Now this job and technology wouldn’t be cheap, and SpaceX would need to be paid (because Elon may sometimes be a philanthropist, but he’s not a complete sucker either).  But paid by whom?

Well, considering that this would benefit mankind in general, it should not be funded by any single country — yeah, ten guesses which country would be expected to fund it — but by all nations on Earth.

Is there a global organization which should sponsor SpaceX to complete this function? Uh, lemme think… oh yeah, how about this lot?

You might think that the U.N. doesn’t have the funds to pay SpaceX, but I’ll be that if their budget was scrutinized, there’d be a whole bunch of inefficiencies and waste which could be re-purposed towards so noble an objective.

And in a Great Circle Of Life manifestation, I bet that Elon’s DOGE whizzkids could find the dollars in about a couple of days, if they could be let loose on the United Nations’ budget…

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

But first, our weekly update:

And going back to creatures of the forest:

 

And to end this silliness off, a few pictures of questionable taste:

I mean, I wouldn’t want to break with tradition now, would I?

Be off with you.

Random Totty

Gratuitous Chick Pics

I see that  wannabe  never-was celebrity Bai Ling is going to be indiscreet:

“I just feel at this stage of my life, it’s about time to tell these fascinating stories about those men everybody knows.” [the washed-up 54-year-old actress explained]

Mind you, she’s never been known for her discretion, playing on that (inexplicable) American male “Asian fantasy chick” fetish forever.

And she’s always been the Queen Of The “Accidental Nip-Slip”:

And as for the full monty:

Read more

News Roundup

Bad News

And the news is even uglier…


...hardest hit would be New York, Minnesota and Michigan.

Speaking of Minnesoduh:


...too bad he didn’t attack the fucking Soros-backed prosecutor, who probably deserves a good stabbing.  As does Soros.

In Political News:


...”Hangings begin soon” would be excellent, not chilling.


...lemme get this straight:  the unions are supporting the employment of non-union illegal foreign workers?  Got it.
#California

From the Dept. of Education:


...and she’s not from Missouri, but California.
#ForTheWin


...let’s hear it from the teachers’ unions…. nothing?  Well, all righty then.

And from the Dept. of Health (Britishland Division):


...gummint bureaucracy at its finest.


...and here I thought the NHS was the shining model for State-run single-payer medical care.


...and they can’t even use the “butbutbut Covid!” excuse anymore.  LOL.

And this is probably unrelated to the above:


...probably.

From the front lines of Sex Wars:


...I blame the TrumpVanceMusk Axis of Evil.  Oh wait… this was in Britishland?  As long as they stay away from places like Rotherham, they’ll probably be okay.  Probably.

In Entertainment News:


...and all over the U.S., sales of Viagra and English Leather soar as old farts everywhere now think they finally have a chance.

And in the ever-silly 

   

 

…“Start by hiring three nannies…”

And now, a journey down :


...a little while ago I (re-)watched the Cruise movie Jack Reacher, and was reminded of Ms. Pike rather forcefully:

And let’s not forget Ros’s underpinnings, as she puts her best foot forward:

Weak Neethe

Health

Back when Longtime Buddy Trevor and I were doing our first trip around the U.S. (1985), we stopped in a little store somewhere in New Hampshire — don’t remember which town, and probably a convenience store.

The cashier was a young guy in his late teens or early 20s, and he was a giant — I mean, well over 6’5″ and 300lbs.

Trevor (who has no problem with asking total strangers personal questions):  “Wow, you’re a big dude.  Did you ever play football at school?”
Kid: [headshake]
Trevor:  “Why not?”
Kid:  [in a high, childlike squeak]:  “I got weak neethe.”

We collapsed with laughter when we got outside, because the high voice and lisp coming from this man-mountain was just too incongruous.

I thought of this story the other day at the Sooper-Seekrit Mailbox Place.  You see, whereas it used to be quite close to my Plano apartment, now it’s a long drive over from Allen, and a long drive causes me all sorts of problems.

Many years ago, I was having problems with my knees.  In retrospect, this condition was probably being caused by my being grossly overweight.  Anyway, I complained to the doctor about it, who agreed with my diagnosis — the first time he ever used the immortal words:  “If you don’t lose some weight, you’re going to die, you fat bastard.”  Anyway, he sent me to get X-rays done, just to see what was going on in there.

The X-ray doc looked at the pics, and asked:  “Are you in the flooring business?  No?  That’s interesting, because I normally see knees like this in older men who’ve been installing carpeting for years.”

As a result, my doctor gave me the letter to show the licensing folks that I qualified for cripple (okay, disabled) plates on my car, which I’ve had ever since.

When New Wife came over for the first time, she called me out as a fraud because I appeared in perfect health, belying my “cripple” status.

Well, maybe not.

You see, while my knees are a lot better now that I have lost some weight and am no longer a “Fat Bastard”, they still give me trouble if I’m immobile for longer than a few minutes.

So when I pull up and park in my Disabled parking spot, she always worries that people are going to think, “What’s wrong with him?  He looks perfectly healthy!”

…until I get out of the car with my weak neethe, and hobble around like a bona fide cripple for those first few dozen steps (then they loosen up, and I can walk more or less normally).  Which is what happens when I make the 30-minute drive to the Sooper-Seekrit Mail place and park outside.  Those first steps… bloody hell.

By the way, my left knee is particularly troublesome because I tore it up while hunting in the Highlands of Scotland with Mr. Free Market back in 2017, and while it did get better, it occasionally locks up worse than the other one.

So I can’t play football either.