Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

So let’s untether the news.


...what’s that, Lassie?  Pigs flying overhead?


...here’s a newsflash for that 80%:  takeout food has ALWAYS been a luxury.

And in the People’s Soviet of Kalifornia:


...so how’s that $20/hour wage thing working, then?  And speaking of failures:


...hey, if Americans aren’t going to buy our shitty Duracell Cadillacs, we’ll just flog them to gullible Brits.

In Glueball JewHate News:


...dkfiem dmrk mgfrdw gymjxd  (sorry, can’t type when I’m laughing hysterically).


...note to the Muzzies:  when you’ve lost the Germans, you’re in big trouble.


...I wonder exactly how many Izzies have visited the Maldives in the past ten years… oh, none?  Talk about a painless gesture.


...and we’ll feed your rotting corpses to pigs.  Fair deal?

And in The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© comes this:


…
(oh… Venezuelan, not Mexican.  Sorry for the confusion.)


...well, except for the fact that the Izzies were going back to their homeland instead of fleeing it, Il Papa has it absolutely correct.  You know, if this fucking moron can’t get the Bible straight...

And in Furrin Election News:


...just as long as they don’t start assassinating Austrian politicians again, we’ll all be good.

And on to

         

And in :


...we saw this curry-flavored totty not long ago on these pages, but sometimes repetition can be A Good Thing, yes?

 

And just one flashback pic to when Our Padma was still a sprightly youngster of 40:

And that’s the end of it all.

Still Confused, After All These Years

Celebrities, Old Fartism

I confessed some time ago that I cannot tell various public figures apart — even if they look totally different — in that when one of their names is mentioned, their face does not come to mind and I have to look them up to see which one is under discussion.

Here’s the bunch I still cannot differentiate, regardless of time and effort:

One of them’s married to that strawberry-blonde tart with great legs, one was in those Hangover movies, two are Canadian, one’s a Mormon and one owns a Welsh football club [some overlap possible].

Which one is which?

Read more

News Roundup

Bad News


We need some kind of protection from news like this…

From the Glueball Jewhate Dept.:


...as long as it’s just on campuses, fine.  If they want to take it to the streets, however...


...which overlaps quite nicely with the next item.

From the The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:


...I dunno why the locals are so intolerant.  Why can’t they just understand that crime is so much a part of Algerian culture?


...more intolerance;  child rape is an integral part of Nicaraguan culture.


...when you count “nothing” as “extraordinary”, perhaps.

In Transnational Organization News:


...of which they’ve had far more than they deserve anyway.


...LOL I suspect the sample was mostly farmers.


...to the consternation of the European media, no doubt.
#AllCommies

From the Nasty Furrin Country files:


...said position to be occupied by… a man.  (Not from the Babylon Bee)
#Melbourne #OfCourse


...it’s not hate speech, it’s a Government policy statement.

From the Dept. of Health:


…


...like Boomer Villagers need any encouragement.

And now, several instances of


...all sex is risky (if done properly), and doing it is always a gamble.

And on a stroll down :


...let’s spend a few moments with this totty and her well-traveled parts:

I think that barely covers the news for today.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,

“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for five years now, but for four of those years we were long-distance while we both went to college in different states.

“We found a great place that was within our budgets and I was so excited to finally be together all the time after years of working around our crazy schedules and having to travel back and forth to enjoy just a couple of days together at a time.

“But now that we’ve made the move, I’m starting to think it was a huge mistake. She’s always been a control freak, but it seems to have trebled in intensity since we moved in.

“She obsessively vacuums the couch – THE COUCH! – every day, freaks out if there’s a single sock on the floor, or a towel that isn’t hung up on the right hook, and when we both get home from work, all she wants to do is clean and tidy, or talk about bills and budgets.

“I know I can be a bit messy so I’ve really tried hard to keep our place as tidy as possible. But I don’t want to live in a show home! I want to be able to come home and kick off my shoes by the door without panicking that she’ll get annoyed.

“It’s only been three weeks, but it already feels like moving in together has killed the romance in our relationship, and I’m scared that if we keep going down this path we are going to end up as resentful roommates rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Dr. Kim, what’s the best thing to do?”

— Controlled, USA

Dear Pussywhipped:

Let me tell you:  control freaks / obsessive neatniks / do-what-mommy-says types are incurable.  All that bullshit is a great big searchlight shining away from some repressed nonsense from childhood or other serious mental issues, and it’s being directed at you.

You haven’t mentioned whether your sex life is any good.  It had better be the “blow the top off your head” kind, because otherwise you need to reconsider your relationship.

Actually, forget I said that.  No sex (of whatever excitement or variety) is worth putting up with control freakery.  Because one day the desire for sex will diminish if not disappear, and all you’ll be left with is Nurse Ratched.

Just get out now.  It’s kinda sad that it took you five years of your life to find this out — and by the way I think you’re an idiot for not having seen all the warning signs long ago — but at least you’re not married yet.  If you think Miss Controller is bad now, you have no idea what awaits you on the runup to your (actually, her) wedding day.

Oh, and ignore all the bollocks that idiot Jane Green suggests, because she’s a chick and chicks think that everything can be resolved just by talking about it.  You need to know that talking to your Controller will not achieve anything.  She is not going to change, and if you try to talk to her, all that awaits you is misery and humiliation.

You didn’t say whether the apartment is in your name or hers, or jointly.  Either way, one of you has to leave.  If the apartment is in your name, it has to be her;  if in her name or jointly, pack your bags and GTFO.

Once away from this minefield, find someone more agreeable, and start to enjoy your life.  You have no idea how much more pleasant that is going to be.

—