And speaking of dildos:
From the Woke News Desk:
...I know, I know: these roundups are meant to be bad news. And:
...and if ever there was a company that shouldn’t have done this nonsense at all...
...thus alienating all three of their hardcore LGBTOSTFU fans.
And in Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:
...just another moment of idiocy among thousands of hours of the same.
...hammering the point home, so to speak.
In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© News:
...questions? Yes, you in the back? Ummm yes I think that being tossed out of helicopters at 500 feet above shark-infested waters may also be somewhat offensive to them.
...see above (and below).
...keyword: Massachusetts.
And in parallel news:
...sorry, Ramiro: finding Jesus and being regretful may help you later, just not with the Texas justice system right now. Adios, asshole.
Still on crime matters:
...wait, what was the middle bit, again?
In Election News:
...well okay, except:
...not that they would ever be bothered by any inconvenient laws, or anything. Still, let me be out there first: Biden Didn’t Kill Himself.
In Miscellaneous News:
...no link because mass vomiting.
And now, some truly 
(featuring EXTRA Kardashian!)
…ummm no. 
...if it hasn’t by now, Toots, it ain’t gonna.
And in Celebrity Gossip:
...and, according to her one-time boyfriend, sexually insatiable as well:
Who knew that about Winona Ryder?
And that’s all the news fit to complain about.
...when life imitates The Matrix.
