Humor – Page 38 – Splendid Isolation

News Roundup

June 28, 2024 Kim du Toit Bad News

And still talking a load of Bols:

From the Everybody Panic!!! Department:

...that’s “monkeypox” to you and me, but it was changed to “Mpox” lest Al Sharpton got offended.

In the Department of Health:

…

From Straight Talk Central:

...of course he’s right, but that’s soooo intolerant not to mention rayciss. And speaking of raycissm:

...so is the U.S. Olympic Basketball team proof of Reconstruction legacy, then? Asking for a friend.

From the War Department:

...and why not? Are they not the equals of men?
#MeToo

...and let’s draft her first.
#WaitWhat #ElvisPresley

From the Travel Agency:

...and all that money wasted on a Third World airport.

From the Ministry of Truth:

...if he were the President of the Planet Zarg, perhaps. But here on Planet Earth:

...I wonder how he got that done?

In Election News:

...can’t keep a good woman down, can ya?

...guess he discovered the truth of Hymietown. [/Jesse Jackson] Also:

…“but but but the Jews have always voted for us before!”

Let’s indulge in some contemplation of

...when life imitates The Matrix.

...never mind the heartbreak, here’s the lissome Olivia:

And that’s all the news worth spreading.

Caption Competition #348

June 28, 2024 Kim du Toit Captions, Friday Feature

Your suggestions in Comments.

Here Comes Another One

June 27, 2024 Kim du Toit Advice, Freaks & Loonies

It will help if while reading this piece, you hum the tune to the above title (as recorded by Monty Python on their final album).

It was only last week when I slotted this little item into a News Roundup:

…and here’s an update, with a younger member of the Nostradamus Tribe being a little more cagey, timewise:

A man who has been dubbed the ‘living Nostradamus’ claims ‘the worst is yet to come’, suggesting the world is teetering on the edge of WWIII.

Athos Salomé, 36, who is a trained parapsychologist from Brazil, is often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy of his insights and predictions, after previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter, now called X, and even Queen Elizabeth II’s death.

Now, as people worry about the escalation of conflicts and humanitarian crises, he warns that ‘a small incident’ could set off a series of terrifying events.

Key phrase: “trained parapsychologist” (one could be snarky and add “Brazil”, but if we’ve learned anything, it’s that these loons can pop up anywhere).

If these Nostradami actually worked as advertised, they wouldn’t be hammering on about global catastrophes — at least, I wouldn’t, if endowed with these magical powers.

I certainly wouldn’t be blathering on vaguely about nonsense like “And there shall be a great pestilence come upon the land” [at some unmentioned date, in some unmentioned country].

No, I would be ensconced in the Presidential Suite at the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo, paying for my accommodation (not to mention more than a few unsavory indulgences) by plonking a grand or so on 27 at the Casino’s roulette wheel each night. That’s at least a useful application of the magic power, and not providing fodder for some crappy newspaper’s This Week’s Things To Panic About! section.

But perhaps I’m being too dismissive.

Sarajevo, anyone? As Bismarck once said, it will be just some damn thing in the Balkans… now that was an accurate prediction.

Quote Of The Day

June 27, 2024 Kim du Toit QOTD

From Andrew Ashworth:

“Last night I had dinner with my boss and his wife. It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me: ‘How many potatoes would you like?’ and I said: ‘I’ll just have one, thanks’. She said: ‘It’s all right, you don’t have to be polite,’ and I said: ‘OK then, I’ll just have one, you stupid cow’.”

Okay, it’s really just an old joke but it made me chortle.

3 Alternatives

June 26, 2024 Kim du Toit 3 Inexplicable Things, Music

Many years ago when I was still living in Chicago, I had a chance to see Procol Harum live at the Vic Theater, a small supper-club type venue which held (at that time) only about 600 people. (The small number is because of the tables.) We had dinner, and then the lads came on and blew everyone away.

Their tour was to promote their latest album, Prodigal Stranger, which I still consider one of their very best (of an extraordinary collection of albums, as any fule kno).

Anyway, what that concert confirmed for me was that if I’m ever going to watch a live band, I’m only interested in doing so in a small, intimate venue. I’d seen the incomparable Leon Redbone in a similarly-small theater a couple of years earlier, but Redbone’s act was by definition a more intimate one, with the crooner entertaining us with many, many sly quips as well as his music. (Oh, how I miss him.) And one last such example: back in the late 1970s I saw Blood, Sweat and Tears perform in Johannesburg’s Empire Theatre (800 seats) and well, blues vocalist David Clayton-Thomas, say no more.

I was reminded of all this by a chance comment made by (of all people) BritRoyal Prince William’s in joking with Ronnie Wood that he’d only come and see the Stones if they brought Taylor Swift along.

The thing that both Swift and the Stones have in common for me is that I’d rather have a rat cage strapped to my face than attend the mega-concerts of either. This is not just the ranting of an elderly man, by the way: I’ve always preferred to watch a concert in a smaller venue, as I’ve demonstrated above, even when I was a young rock musician myself. Frankly, if the concert has to have giant TV screens for the audience to see the act perform, I’d rather watch the concert on a DVD afterwards than be part of a massive crowd.

The whole “Swiftie” phenomenon, of course, leaves me ice cold because, when all’s said and done, young Taylor is just a country singer, and I’m not a particular fan of country music per se, although there are a few country singers I wouldn’t mind seeing live, provided that the show was in a place like the Gruene (Texas) town hall, where I once saw Merle Haggard, or Austin’s Liberty Lunch bar (Bonnie Raitt, in her pre-Nick Of Time days).

And finally (!) I come to the point of this post, which is: if I were going to attend a concert in a small country bar like Austin’s Broken Spoke or Route 20 in Racine, Wisconsin (where I once saw Bachman Turner Overdrive and Steppenwolf in a double-header), which three country artists would I prefer to see the most (instead of Taylor Swift)?

In no particular order:

David Allan Coe

(I can’t believe he’s still alive)
Willie Nelson

(ditto)
Shania Twain

And none of them would have to do a modern-style “show” (lighting, multiple costume changes, massive sound systems etc.); just a small backing band, a bar stool and (preferably) an acoustic guitar would be fine. I want to see the artist, not special effects.

Parenthetically, I wonder how well Taylor Swift would perform, under similar circumstances. Would she still be as impressive?

Your three choices in Comments.

News Roundup

June 25, 2024 Kim du Toit Bad News

Wait, I thought it was always Black people forced into doing the cleaning… or have I been lied to? Anyway:

From the Police Blotter (NYC Division):

...of course he did; they’re not Republicans, are they?

In Parish Notes (Islam Division):

...insha’Allah.

...and for a bonus, he came in (illegally) through their Ukranian refugee program. Also:

...for those people who’ve been in a coma for the past ten years. And back Over Here:

...here’s a suggestion for his 17th:

…

...anyone getting sick of this? I’m not.

...sorry, but we’re running low on avgas, thanks to FJB.

And the final word on this topic:

...ya thank?

And speaking of someone who should be tossed out of a helicopter:

...is she threatening us, or just harking back to all the violence (but not murders) the last time Trump won in November? Anyway as I recall, it was her crowd doing all the violence.