Frankly, upon looking at the women who seem to be all up in arms about this issue, I don’t think they realize the actual value of the goods they’re planning on withholding.
Tag: Sex Wars
Dealing with alien beings
“Dear Dr. Kim”
“Dear Dr. Kim:
“At age 50, I recently got divorced from my husband of twenty or so years, and since then I’ve been reading about the Orgasm Gap, which points out that men have more orgasms than women during sex. Is this something worth looking at? Quite frankly, I haven’t had sex with my husband (nor anyone else) for about the past ten years, so I’m not exactly up to speed on the topic.
“Hubby and I had sex about the average — once or twice a week — until the kids arrived, when I was too tired for that kind of thing and so our sex life sort of faded away.
“After the kids left home I decided to start my life again, so I got divorced. Hubby seemed relieved rather than surprised, and signed the papers with quite indecent haste.
“Anyway, I see that lots of women are in my situation, and also have issues about sex.
“Do you have any advice?” — Sex Curious, Florida
Dear Curious,
So you’ve left Hubby to get on with bonking his secretary or whoever, and now you want to reignite the sex life of your teenage / 20s years? Okay, here we go.
Are you one of those women who are capable of multiple orgasms during a single sex act? (Assuming you can remember that far back, that is.) If you are, then you’ll be just fine, as long as you bat in your own league and don’t do the Emma Thompson thing and start shagging 20-year-old boys.
If you’re a “once-and-done” kinda gal, you need to work on it with your partner before you start the actual bonking (what’s known today as “foreplay”, I believe) so that you can get to your Magic Moment before he gets to his, so to speak.
If you’re one of those women who take ages to arrive at Ecstasy Central, you may have to use toys (i.e. vibrators) to help the process along, because quite frankly, most men lose patience after a while and either reach their finish line “prematurely” (i.e. before you) or else quit your bed altogether and search for ahem greener pastures.
However, these are murkier waters than I care to swim in, and I see that there’s a growing trend of so-called “sexual intimacy coaches” (ha!) who claim to be helping many women such as yourself with their orgasm issues.
I would recommend that you contact one of these coaches, and in fact I happen to know one — Jasper Longstroke — who may be able to help you out. Email me for contact details, although he seems to be quite busy at the moment.
Also, beware of imposters. If he asks you to send him a few pics of your Pleasure Palace so he can “study the problem”, he may not be the kind of intimacy coach you need. Ditto the guys who want to spend time in your bed, teaching you intimacy from a practical perspective.
Good luck — you’re probably going to need it.
— Dr. Kim
Morality Tale
…and it is a tale:
“You now have the freedom to do whatever you want,” Williams told The Post about her revelation. “If you want to sleep with two men on the same day, you can. If you want to have a tryst in the middle of the day, you’re free. The only person who can judge you is yourself. And if you’re fine with it, screw everyone else.”
Apparently, her lust knew no bounds — she says she bonked eight men in that first year after her divorce. Hence the “tale” bit.
I hate to break it to her, but eight men in a year is actually quite a low number for a late-40s divorcee, even a fairly plain-looking one like her. I personally know one woman who bonked about three or four men a month after hers, and she did it for well over three years before finding a guy she wanted to stay with. (I would have been one of them — I always had the hots for her — but I was living in another state far away at the time, and she told me her story after she’d moved in with The Guy.)
Frankly, I think I think our slut-wannabe New Yorker is telling a tale — the rule of thumb for most women who divulge their “number” nowadays is to take what she says, and double it — triple it if she’s a barhopping party girl.
So… sixteen in a year? Not bad. Otherwise, meh.
Working Off Debt
Here’s an interesting little morality tale.
My wife slept with our mechanic to settle a £500 bill we couldn’t afford to pay
We’ve been struggling to make ends meet ever since my wife lost her job last year. My salary won’t stretch to cover our food, rent and energy bills. That’s why we’re £2,000 in debt on our credit cards.
So it was the cherry on the cake when we were told our car failed its MOT last week. The mechanic told us his repairs would cost us nearly £500. To add insult to injury it was obvious he fancied my wife.
Panicking, I asked if we could pay in instalments. While looking my wife up and down he cheekily suggested if we didn’t have the money he could think of another way we could pay. He said we could think about it overnight. Walking away, I asked her what she thought.
Her answer shocked me: “You know I’d do anything for us, babe.”
So the next day my wife went to his house while I waited in the car outside — it was the longest 30 minutes of my life. I consoled myself with the idea that she’d be hating this as much as me, but when she finally emerged she seemed defiant and said: “Now I know I’m contributing just as much as you.”
It broke my heart and I’ve only got myself to blame. Now she thinks it’s the answer to all our financial problems. She even suggested I could manage her diary of clients. I’m worried she even enjoyed having sex with this mechanic.
Well, that’s one way of “taking one for the team”, innit?
I actually feel sorry for the guy, because it seems to me he’s uncaged a tiger — and it’s small wonder, when all the Brit newspapers are full of tarts making X thousand a month for showing off their bodies and doing the dirty on prostitution sites like OnlyFans; and in truth doing nothing on SugarBabies different from Mrs. Debtfire above.
It’s always gone on, only now it’s out in public.
I just wonder how these people account for the revenue on their tax return… because if they don’t, it’s called “tax evasion”, and the collection agencies (I mean tax offices hem hem) of both the U.K. and the U.S. respectively take quite a dim view of it.
Sad Story
From Mr. Free Market:
Determinative Questions
As people seem to be unwilling to tell how to define what a woman is, the Babylon Bee has an excellent questionnaire of 12 signs that someone may be a woman.
I would add only three:
13) Do you feel insecure about your relationships?
14) Do you often have low self-esteem, or feelings of inadequacy?
15) Have you ever faked an orgasm?
That should do it, with the Bee‘s dozen.