Tag: Sickness

Spreading The Rot

Health

There was an 80s movie once in which a high-school girl “passed” as a boy (no details, they’re unnecessary), and in getting ready for the role, she was asking her younger brother for advice on acting like a boy, leading to this classic exchange:

“You’ll need to scratch your balls every so often.”
“Why?”
“Because they itch, and you gotta scratch them.”
“Maybe I’ll just be a guy whose balls don’t itch.”
“All men’s balls itch.”

…and it’s true.  Now, thanks to some doctor bloke, we can perhaps see the reason why this is so:

Putting underpants on with bare feet could put millions at risk of a gruesome and embarrassing groin infection, a top doctor has warned. 

So-called ‘crotch rot’ is caused by the fungus, tinea corporis, commonly known as ringworm, and appears as scaly, itchy and sometimes red skin.

And according to Dr Samuel Choudhury, a GP who specialises in skincare, the infection often spreads to the genital area via the feet.  Dr Choudhury explained that underwear comes into contact with the fungal spores on the feet, and carries them up to the groin.

‘So this is what you need to do to avoid jock itch [crotch infection],’ he added.

‘Not wearing underwear is not the solution, but wearing your socks first is. It acts as a barrier so you contain the infection.’

I hate to say it, but this sounds quite plausible.  I mean sure, it may not be true — just as any article in the Daily Mail  generally isn’t — but it seems to be as good a reason for the Dreaded Itch as any other.  It doesn’t seem to matter even if I’ve just had a shower;  the old ‘nads always start itching at some point or another.

So are socks the solution?  Even when I used to wear a suit as a working man, my balls still itched, for reasons best known to themselves.

The only problem, as I see it, comes for men who are like me:  we only ever wear socks on high holy days and holidays, or when we put on winter- or cowboy boots.  Most of the time I’m either going barefoot around the house, or wearing moccasins without socks when I’m going out.  (Sheesh, I’m retired and I live in Texas — socks are just not part of the daily clothing requirements.)

For us Sockless Ones, is the answer then a lifetime doomed to frequent applications of Gold Bond powder?  Gawd, I hope not:  that stuff is horrible.

Readers of the Leech-Application persuasion may feel free to debate this in Comments, of course.

Health News

Health

Feeling shit:  yesterday I suddenly got a sore throat, sinus drainage/blockage (I don’t know how they can coexist, either), and the beginning of a hacking cough.

Same as I had a few months ago.  Anyway, when I called my GP yesterday  to see if he could just send a Zithromycin Rx to CVS, he insisted that I come in to see him.  Couldn’t fit me in yesterday — it was after 5pm, to be honest — but I do have an 8.30 appointment this morning.

My Brit Readers (and anyone else living under a nationalized healthcare system) are allowed to feel envious.

Anyway…

Till later.

Update:  Just got back from the above.  No big deal, not a bronchial issue, no Covid, just a nasty upper-respiratory tract infection.  Z-pack, and I’ll be better by Thursday.

To be honest, I felt a little foolish at having wasted his time for so trivial a thing.  Still, his N.P. is a total doll, so it wasn’t a complete waste of my time.

Areas Of Expertise

Disaster, Plagues and Poxes

It’s a common flaw in society to think that because someone is a success in one specific area that that success can be applied with equal weight in other areas.  The classic example is that of Albert Einstein:  brilliant mathematician, but political idiot.

How much credence, then, are we to give to this asshole?

Bill Gates forecasts another global pandemic ‘likely’ within next 25 years in ominous health warning.

Even worse, he conflates two unrelated scenarios:

War or another global pandemic, Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is cautioning that, if the world manages to avoid the former, the latter is a very real possibility within the next 25 years.

“A lot of unrest” in today’s age could spark a major war.

“If we avoid a big war … then, yes, there will be another pandemic, most likely in the next 25 years,” he continued.

And if we do have a big war, does that mean there won’t be a pandemic, you moron?

I should like to remind everyone that back in the early 1980s, Gates completely missed the oncoming tidal wave of personal computing, and in fact pooh-poohed the entire concept, saying that he saw that there’d be fewer than half a dozen PCs in existence, and that all humanity’s computing needs could be addressed by mainframe computers — to be fair, quite a common thought among Big Iron believers of the time.

So if he could be that spectacularly wrong in his own field, why should we believe anything he says about pandemics?

As they say, to ask the question is to answer it.

I’m Not Saying I’m Sick, But

Health

Death would be a semi-welcome relief right now.  Cough, sore throat, sneezes (as many as a dozen in a row), post-nasal drip:  all sneering at whatever I throw at them: penicillin, Mucinex, saline spray, cough lozenges.

I suspect even a fucking .45 bullet would just evince a mocking laugh: “Is that the best you can do?  Hahahahaha…. here, have another sneezing fit, and let’s throw in a little bowel action, just to make your life still more pleasant.  Oh, and forget about sleep, we can add some cold shivers to help with that.”

Back tomorrow.  Maybe.

We Suck!

Health, Numbers & Statistics

…at hospitals anyway, according to some organization:

Researchers at the Institute of Global Health Innovation at Imperial College London examined data on 38 developed countries.

The experts focused on four key patient safety indicators for their rankings: maternal mortality, treatable mortality, adverse effects of medical treatment and neonatal disorders.

For those who are too lazy to follow the link, here’s the table:

Yeah, I know:  our hospitals are ranked lower because we take on more hopeless cases than most other countries will accept.  (Whenever you read about some Third-World mope who needs to have the extra toes growing out of his neck removed, it’s always off to the U.S. and not to Sweden, because they just won’t take the case.)

I also note with some skepticism the high rank of the Netherlands, which is the absolute last place where I’d go to hospital because of the Dutchies’ fondness for involuntary euthanasia.

Finally, not being of a medical bent myself, I have no idea whether the criteria of “maternal mortality, treatable mortality, adverse effects of medical treatment and neonatal disorders” are the best pointers towards judgement of hospital quality;  I’ll leave that to my Sawbones Readers to comment on.

Well, That Wasn’t Any Fun

Health

Last night I suddenly developed the most excruciating pain in my lower abdomen.  Came out of nowhere:  one minute I’m searching for pics of Carol Vorderman’s extensive superstructure, the next I’m doubled up on the couch and moaning like a Democrat forced to sing the National Anthem.

So did I go to the ER?  Silly rabbits, I’m a MAN — of course I didn’t wimp out and seek medical attention.

Now before anyone starts yelling at me — especially those Readers of the Female Persuasion — lemme ask y’all this:

What if it had just been gas, somehow bottled up and unable to be released?  You’d feel like a proper Charlie if the ER doc were to look at your CAT scan, shake his head sorrowfully and say, “Take two Gas-X and call me in the morning”, with the unspoken corollary:  “What a total pussy.”  That was not going to happen.  So I waited overnight.

However, by this morning the symptoms had not abated — got worse, actually —  so I girded up my loins and went off to the local Doc-In-The-Box to get a CAT scan.  But the nearest one had closed down for good.  So I went to another one close to the apartment, and they were open but — their CAT scan machine was broken.

By this time, the combination of frustration plus pain in my gut — I was driving bent over like a Florida geezer — made me say “Fukkit!” and so I ended up at GlobalMegaHealthCorp LLC, at the other end of Plano, FFS.  I went in promptly at 9.15am, was seen promptly at 11.15am, had the CAT scan promptly at 2.30pm, and was on my way to CVS promptly at 4.05pm.

Which is why I always try to go the the little ER clinics for visits of this nature:  in, scanned, diagnosed, prescribed and out in generally less than 90 minutes.  If they’re a little busy.

Anyway, I suppose you want to know why I’m still doubled over in pain, waiting for the Blessed Medications to kick in?

Diverticulitis (non-complicated), treated with Cipro and some other antibiotic.  According to Doc Russia (who diagnosed me correctly over the phone while I was waiting in the ER room), I should feel better by tomorrow.

Let’s hope.  In the meantime, I’m debating whether to pop a Tylenol-3 (the one with codeine) to help me get through the night.

Of course, I’m also counting my blessings.  This pain could have pointed to something really foul like a hiatal hernia, appendicitis (even though I’m too old for that shit) or the Evil Cousin of diverticulitis, a perforated bowel (which can seriously fuck up your weekend picnic plans).  Not to mention all the other shit down there that can creep up on Olde Pharttes and kill us like a smackeroo-blurdy.  That part of the body is like a WWII German minefield, with stuff just waiting to kill you.  But it wasn’t any of that.

Oh, and one small piece of other news:  my weight has gone down from 265 to 240, in just under two months.  My goal:  Army weight (205-210), or maybe even less if I can stick with it.  Here’s me, in approved SADF browns, circa 1977:

So there’s that, which is good.